Компьютерщики: Стресс-тест

I myself, have been subject to some terrible rages, but... Yes?

aɪ ˌmaɪˈsɛlf, hæv bɪn ˈsəbʤɪkt tɪ səm ˈtɛrəbəl ˈreɪʤɪz, bət... jɛs?

I'm sorry. Is this the stress class?

əm ˈsɑri. ɪz ðɪs ðə strɛs klæs?

Oh yeah. Come on in.

oʊ jæ. kəm ɔn ɪn.

Thank you. Moss! This is in here! Moss!

θæŋk ju. mɔs! ðɪs ɪz ɪn hir! mɔs!

Just come in. Are you all right?

ʤɪst kəm ɪn. ər ju ɔl raɪt?

As I was saying, I myself have been subject to some terrible rages. Where I've snapped at my wife, or spoken harshly to a work colleague, because

ɛz aɪ wɑz seɪɪŋ, aɪ ˌmaɪˈsɛlf hæv bɪn ˈsəbʤɪkt tɪ səm ˈtɛrəbəl ˈreɪʤɪz. wɛr aɪv snæpt æt maɪ waɪf, ər ˈspoʊkən ˈhɑrʃli tɪ ə wərk ˈkɑlig, bɪˈkəz

of stress. If I just thinking about it now, I realise I'm raising my voice.

əv strɛs. ɪf aɪ ʤɪst ˈθɪŋkɪŋ əˈbaʊt ɪt naʊ, aɪ ˈriəˌlaɪz əm ˈreɪzɪŋ maɪ vɔɪs.

I'm sorry. Stress is the main cause of heart attacks. And even a little bit... Let me show you what stress can do. I'm going to need a volunteer. Yes. Come on up.

əm ˈsɑri. strɛs ɪz ðə meɪn kɔz əv hɑrt əˈtæks. ənd ˈivɪn ə ˈlɪtəl bɪt... lɛt mi ʃoʊ ju wət strɛs kən du. əm goʊɪŋ tɪ nid ə ˌvɑlənˈtɪr. jɛs. kəm ɔn əp.

That's fine. Can I have your left hand there? The back? And just relax there.

ðæts faɪn. kən aɪ hæv jʊr lɛft hænd ðɛr? ðə bæk? ənd ʤɪst rɪˈlæks ðɛr.

I'm going to ask you a very personal question. There we are, you see? Sorry, I'm not going to ask you anything at all.

əm goʊɪŋ tɪ æsk ju ə ˈvɛri ˈpərsɪnəl kˈwɛʃən. ðɛr wi ər, ju si? ˈsɑri, əm nɑt goʊɪŋ tɪ æsk ju ˈɛniˌθɪŋ æt ɔl.

That's just to show how little is needed to send our stress levels shooting up. Just a simple statement like that is registered very strongly on the display.

ðæts ʤɪst tɪ ʃoʊ haʊ ˈlɪtəl ɪz ˈnidɪd tɪ sɛnd ɑr strɛs ˈlɛvəlz ˈʃutɪŋ əp. ʤɪst ə ˈsɪmpəl ˈsteɪtmənt laɪk ðət ɪz ˈrɛʤɪstərd ˈvɛri ˈstrɔŋli ɔn ðə dɪˈspleɪ.

Yes, another volunteer?

jɛs, əˈnəðər ˌvɑlənˈtɪr?

Yeah.

jæ.

Ok. I'll have... just this off.

ˈoʊˈkeɪ. aɪl hæv... ʤɪst ðɪs ɔf.

Ah! There it goes! Yes, raise up! Look at that! Brilliant! Brilliant, excellent! It's a super machine.

ɑ! ðɛr ɪt goʊz! jɛs, reɪz əp! lʊk æt ðət! ˈbrɪljənt! ˈbrɪljənt, ˈɛksələnt! ɪts ə ˈsupər məˈʃin.

Well, just a little misunderstanding there I imagine. So let's move on!

wɛl, ʤɪst ə ˈlɪtəl ˌmɪsəndərˈstændɪŋ ðɛr aɪ ˌɪˈmæʤən. soʊ lɛts muv ɔn!

Whoa! I actually haven't had a proper go yet. Well, I don't think that should count, what's happened there...

woʊ! aɪ ˈæˌkʧuəli ˈhævənt hæd ə ˈprɑpər goʊ jɛt. wɛl, aɪ doʊnt θɪŋk ðət ʃʊd kaʊnt, wəts ˈhæpənd ðɛr...

Actually, I don't think that's fair. I would like a go, and I think Roy should be punished for nearly killing that lady.

ˈæˌkʧuəli, aɪ doʊnt θɪŋk ðæts fɛr. aɪ wʊd laɪk ə goʊ, ənd aɪ θɪŋk rɔɪ ʃʊd bi ˈpənɪʃt fər ˈnɪrli ˈkɪlɪŋ ðət ˈleɪdi.

Well, I think I should go first!

wɛl, aɪ θɪŋk aɪ ʃʊd goʊ fərst!

I see, well let's move on...

aɪ si, wɛl lɛts muv ɔn...

When did you grow a bit?

wɪn dɪd ju groʊ ə bɪt?

A little go.

ə ˈlɪtəl goʊ.

We gotta move on. Can we just move on?

wi ˈgɑtə muv ɔn. kən wi ʤɪst muv ɔn?

You're old? Are you very old?

jʊr oʊld? ər ju ˈvɛri oʊld?

Let's move on! Oh! Shut up!

lɛts muv ɔn! oʊ! ʃət əp!

What are you eating?

wət ər ju ˈitɪŋ?

Muffin.

ˈməfən.

A muffin? How can you be hungry, you ate a whole chicken at the stress buffet!

ə ˈməfən? haʊ kən ju bi ˈhəŋgri, ju eɪt ə hoʊl ˈʧɪkən æt ðə strɛs ˈbəfət!

What's that?

wəts ðət?

Oh, I've made a stress machine to try out for myself, like the one in that class. Watch this.

oʊ, aɪv meɪd ə strɛs məˈʃin tɪ traɪ aʊt fər ˌmaɪˈsɛlf, laɪk ðə wən ɪn ðət klæs. wɔʧ ðɪs.

I'm going to ask myself a very personal question. Don't worry, I'm not really going to ask myself any questions.

əm goʊɪŋ tɪ æsk ˌmaɪˈsɛlf ə ˈvɛri ˈpərsɪnəl kˈwɛʃən. doʊnt ˈwəri, əm nɑt ˈrɪli goʊɪŋ tɪ æsk ˌmaɪˈsɛlf ˈɛni kˈwɛsʧənz.

Pretty good. Not as good as the one in the stress class.

ˈprɪti gʊd. nɑt ɛz gʊd ɛz ðə wən ɪn ðə strɛs klæs.