Сайнфелд: Тест на IQ

This woman he's dating is making him take this IQ test for this course.

ðɪs ˈwʊmən hiz ˈdeɪtɪŋ ɪz ˈmeɪkɪŋ ɪm teɪk ðɪs ˈaɪˈkju tɛst fər ðɪs kɔrs.

Oh, that sounds like fun.

oʊ, ðət saʊnz laɪk fən.

Yeah, fun. IQ tests are totally bogus. They prove nothing.

jæ, fən. ˈaɪˈkju tɛsts ər ˈtoʊtəli ˈboʊgəs. ðeɪ pruv ˈnəθɪŋ.

You'll do well, you're smart.

jul du wɛl, jʊr smɑrt.

No see, he's not smart. People think he's smart, but he's not.

noʊ si, hiz nɑt smɑrt. ˈpipəl θɪŋk hiz smɑrt, bət hiz nɑt.

What did you get on your SAT's?

wət dɪd ju gɪt ɔn jʊr sat's?

It varies.

ɪt ˈvɛriz.

You know, I don't even know my IQ.

ju noʊ, aɪ doʊnt ˈivɪn noʊ maɪ ˈaɪˈkju.

Mine's 145.

maɪnz 145

145!

145

Get out of here!

gɪt aʊt əv hir!

You get out of here!

ju gɪt aʊt əv hir!

You get out of here!

ju gɪt aʊt əv hir!

You should take the test for me.

ju ʃʊd teɪk ðə tɛst fər mi.

Boy, that’d be something, cheating on an IQ test. Hey, remember in college when you passed Lettick the test out the window? You became a legend after that.

bɔɪ, that’d bi ˈsəmθɪŋ, ˈʧitɪŋ ɔn ən ˈaɪˈkju tɛst. heɪ, rɪˈmɛmbər ɪn ˈkɑlɪʤ wɪn ju pæst lettick ðə tɛst aʊt ðə ˈwɪndoʊ? ju bɪˈkeɪm ə ˈlɛʤənd ˈæftər ðət.

Yeah, yeah. I really had some guts back then. Why don’t we do it again?

jæ, jæ. aɪ ˈrɪli hæd səm gəts bæk ðɛn. waɪ don’t wi du ɪt əˈgɛn?

What?

wət?

You could take the IQ test for me. I could pass it to you out of a window. We could do it; she lives on the first floor.

ju kʊd teɪk ðə ˈaɪˈkju tɛst fər mi. aɪ kʊd pæs ɪt tɪ ju aʊt əv ə ˈwɪndoʊ. wi kʊd du ɪt; ʃi lɪvz ɔn ðə fərst flɔr.

Are you serious?

ər ju ˈsɪriəs?

Why not?

waɪ nɑt?

Where would I take the test?

wɛr wʊd aɪ teɪk ðə tɛst?

I don't know, she lives right around the corner. Take it here or go to the coffee shop.

aɪ doʊnt noʊ, ʃi lɪvz raɪt əraʊnd ðə ˈkɔrnər. teɪk ɪt hir ər goʊ tɪ ðə ˈkɔfi ʃɑp.

No, that would be too noisy.

noʊ, ðət wʊd bi tu ˈnɔɪzi.

Take it at Dream Cafe, you won't hear a peep.

teɪk ɪt æt drim kəˈfeɪ, ju woʊnt hir ə pip.

Hey, what do you think?

heɪ, wət du ju θɪŋk?

Hey, I love a good caper.

heɪ, aɪ ləv ə gʊd ˈkeɪpər.

Yeah, that's what is, isn’t it, a caper.

jæ, ðæts wət ɪz, isn’t ɪt, ə ˈkeɪpər.

You'll do it?

jul du ɪt?

What the hey.

wət ðə heɪ.

Yeaah, beautiful ... Sorry...

yeaah, ˈbjutəfəl ˈsɑri...

Go in the living room. I'll take the test in here.

goʊ ɪn ðə ˈlɪvɪŋ rum. aɪl teɪk ðə tɛst ɪn hir.

But why?

bət waɪ?

I won’t be able to concentrate in front of you.

aɪ won’t bi ˈeɪbəl tɪ ˈkɑnsənˌtreɪt ɪn frənt əv ju.

Oh, I think you're making too much of this. IQ tests don't mean anything.

oʊ, aɪ θɪŋk jʊr ˈmeɪkɪŋ tu məʧ əv ðɪs. ˈaɪˈkju tɛsts doʊnt min ˈɛniˌθɪŋ.

Are you kidding me? This is the best tool we have today of measuring a person’s intelligence.

ər ju ˈkɪdɪŋ mi? ðɪs ɪz ðə bɛst tul wi hæv təˈdeɪ əv ˈmɛʒərɪŋ ə person’s ˌɪnˈtɛləʤəns.

Well, I certainly don't place any importance on it.

wɛl, aɪ ˈsərtənli doʊnt pleɪs ˈɛni ˌɪmˈpɔrtəns ɔn ɪt.

Well, I think you're wrong about that. And now if you will excuse me, I would really like to get started please.

wɛl, aɪ θɪŋk jʊr rɔŋ əˈbaʊt ðət. ənd naʊ ɪf ju wɪl ɪkˈskjuz mi, aɪ wʊd ˈrɪli laɪk tɪ gɪt ˈstɑrtɪd pliz.

Good luck.

gʊd lək.

Don't need it.

doʊnt nid ɪt.

What's been going on in there? I've been standing here 20 minutes.

wəts bɪn goʊɪŋ ɔn ɪn ðɛr? aɪv bɪn ˈstændɪŋ hir 20 ˈmɪnəts.

I'm sorry I'm sorry, here's the test. Thanks again for doing this.

əm ˈsɑri əm ˈsɑri, hɪrz ðə tɛst. θæŋks əˈgɛn fər duɪŋ ðɪs.

All right, what time do you want me back here?

ɔl raɪt, wət taɪm du ju wɔnt mi bæk hir?

Uh, uhhhh, twenty to three.

ə, uhhhh, tˈwɛnti tɪ θri.

Ok.

ˈoʊˈkeɪ.

Thanks again.

θæŋks əˈgɛn.

All right.

ɔl raɪt.

And don't settle for 145. You can do better. You're a genius.

ənd doʊnt ˈsɛtəl fər 145 ju kən du ˈbɛtər. jʊr ə ˈʤinjəs.

Ladadeeda, laadadeeda....

ladadeeda, laadadeeda....

Babu! If you don't mind?

bɑˈbu! ɪf ju doʊnt maɪnd?

Oh my God! It's all over the test!

oʊ maɪ gɑd! ɪts ɔl ˈoʊvər ðə tɛst!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

oʊ, əm ˈtɛrəbli ˈsɑri.

Oh man! Look at this...and I'm out of time anyway.

oʊ mæn! lʊk æt this...and əm aʊt əv taɪm ˈɛniˌweɪ.

Please, forgive me, please...

pliz, fərˈgɪv mi, pliz...

Go ahead; I'll take care of it.

goʊ əˈhɛd; aɪl teɪk kɛr əv ɪt.

Please, I'm very sorry.

pliz, əm ˈvɛri ˈsɑri.

It was an accident.

ɪt wɑz ən ˈæksədənt.

What? Did you go on a picnic?

wət? dɪd ju goʊ ɔn ə ˈpɪkˌnɪk?

Babu Bhatt did it.

bɑˈbu bɑt dɪd ɪt.

Babu Bhatt? How am I gonna explain this?

bɑˈbu bɑt? haʊ æm aɪ ˈgɑnə ɪkˈspleɪn ðɪs?

Time's up George.

taɪmz əp ʤɔrʤ.

Ok. Here you go.

ˈoʊˈkeɪ. hir ju goʊ.

How did you do?

haʊ dɪd ju du?

Piece of cake!

pis əv keɪk!

What happened to the test?

wət ˈhæpənd tɪ ðə tɛst?

What? Oh, I spilled some food on it.

wət? oʊ, aɪ spɪld səm fud ɔn ɪt.

Food? What food?

fud? wət fud?

What are you talking about?

wət ər ju ˈtɔkɪŋ əˈbaʊt?

Where did you get food?

wɛr dɪd ju gɪt fud?

From my pocket.

frəm maɪ ˈpɑkət.

What?

wət?

I uh, I had a sandwich in my pocket.

aɪ ə, aɪ hæd ə ˈsænwɪʧ ɪn maɪ ˈpɑkət.

And coffee?

ənd ˈkɔfi?

Yeah, had some coffee, yeah.

jæ, hæd səm ˈkɔfi, jæ.

Where did you get the coffee?

wɛr dɪd ju gɪt ðə ˈkɔfi?

Where did I get the coffee? Where do think I got the coffee, at the grocery store.

wɛr dɪd aɪ gɪt ðə ˈkɔfi? wɛr du θɪŋk aɪ gɑt ðə ˈkɔfi, æt ðə ˈgroʊsəri stɔr.

How did you get there?

haʊ dɪd ju gɪt ðɛr?

I walked.

aɪ wɔkt.

How did you get out of the apartment? I didn't see you leave.

haʊ dɪd ju gɪt aʊt əv ðə əˈpɑrtmənt? aɪ ˈdɪdənt si ju liv.

I climbed out the window.

aɪ klaɪmd aʊt ðə ˈwɪndoʊ.

You climbed out the window?

ju klaɪmd aʊt ðə ˈwɪndoʊ?

Of course.

əv kɔrs.

Why didn't you go out the door?

waɪ ˈdɪdənt ju goʊ aʊt ðə dɔr?

The door? Why would I go out the door? The window is right here.

ðə dɔr? waɪ wʊd aɪ goʊ aʊt ðə dɔr? ðə ˈwɪndoʊ ɪz raɪt hir.

You are a fascinating man, George Costanza.

ju ər ə ˈfæsəˌneɪtɪŋ mæn, ʤɔrʤ koʊˈstɑnzə.

Hey Georgie!

heɪ ˈʤɔrʤi!

Coming up.

ˈkəmɪŋ əp.

How did you do on the IQ test?!

haʊ dɪd ju du ɔn ðə ˈaɪˈkju tɛst?!

85!

85

What?!!

wət?!!

85, Jerry! 85 IQ!

85 ˈʤɛri! 85 ˈaɪˈkju!

85?

85

Well, well, well...

wɛl, wɛl, wɛl...

He's coming up?

hiz ˈkəmɪŋ əp?

Well, I'm no genius, but according to my calculations, he should be here in a few seconds.

wɛl, əm noʊ ˈʤinjəs, bət əˈkɔrdɪŋ tɪ maɪ ˌkælkjəˈleɪʃənz, hi ʃʊd bi hir ɪn ə fju ˈsɛkəndz.

Yeah, but an 85, Jerry. That's ridiculous.

jæ, bət ən 85 ˈʤɛri. ðæts rɪˈdɪkjələs.

Well, maybe the test was gender-biased; you know a lot of questions about hunting and testicles...

wɛl, ˈmeɪbi ðə tɛst wɑz gender-biased; ju noʊ ə lɔt əv kˈwɛsʧənz əˈbaʊt ˈhəntɪŋ ənd ˈtɛˌstɪkəlz...

Oh, hello professor.

oʊ, hɛˈloʊ prəˈfɛsər.

George, I cannot believe...

ʤɔrʤ, aɪ ˈkænɑt bɪˈliv...

Please...

pliz...

No, there has got to be a mistake.

noʊ, ðɛr həz gɑt tɪ bi ə mɪˈsteɪk.

You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.

ju ˈʃʊdəv sin hər feɪs. ɪt wɑz ðə ɪgˈzækt seɪm lʊk maɪ ˈfɑðər geɪv mi wɪn aɪ toʊld ɪm aɪ ˈwɔntɪd tɪ bi ə ventriloquist.