Сайнфелд: Покупка фруктов

Yeah, but why would you...

jæ, bət waɪ wʊd ju...

Bad peach?

bæd piʧ?

It's terrible!

ɪts ˈtɛrəbəl!

Did you get that at Joe's?

dɪd ju gɪt ðət æt ʤoʊz?

Yeah, of course I got it at Joe's.

jæ, əv kɔrs aɪ gɑt ɪt æt ʤoʊz.

That's surprising, his fruit is usually the best.

ðæts səˈpraɪzɪŋ, hɪz frut ɪz ˈjuʒəwəli ðə bɛst.

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna return this.

ju noʊ wət əm ˈgɑnə du? əm ˈgɑnə rɪˈtərn ðɪs.

You're returning used fruit?

jʊr rɪˈtərnɪŋ juzd frut?

Jerry this peach is sub par.

ˈʤɛri ðɪs piʧ ɪz səb pɑr.

So what do you want me to do?

soʊ wət du ju wɔnt mi tɪ du?

I want restitution.

aɪ wɔnt ˌrɛstɪˈtuʃən.

Restitution? You want restitution? Why should I give you restitution?

ˌrɛstɪˈtuʃən? ju wɔnt ˌrɛstɪˈtuʃən? waɪ ʃʊd aɪ gɪv ju ˌrɛstɪˈtuʃən?

Because it's no good.

bɪˈkəz ɪts noʊ gʊd.

When you put that fruit out, that's where it ends for me.

wɪn ju pʊt ðət frut aʊt, ðæts wɛr ɪt ɛndz fər mi.

It's still your fruit, you gotta stand behind your fruit.

ɪts stɪl jʊr frut, ju ˈgɑtə stænd bɪˈhaɪnd jʊr frut.

I stand behind my fruit.

aɪ stænd bɪˈhaɪnd maɪ frut.

So...

soʊ...

Hey, you got a bad peach? That's an act of God. He makes the peaches. I don't make the peaches, I sell the peaches. You have a problem? You talk to him.

heɪ, ju gɑt ə bæd piʧ? ðæts ən ækt əv gɑd. hi meɪks ðə ˈpiʧɪz. aɪ doʊnt meɪk ðə ˈpiʧɪz, aɪ sɛl ðə ˈpiʧɪz. ju hæv ə ˈprɑbləm? ju tɔk tɪ ɪm.

You know this whole place is going vrrrrrrrrrrrrt, downhill. I could have come in here last week with a bad plum but I let it go.

ju noʊ ðɪs hoʊl pleɪs ɪz goʊɪŋ vrrrrrrrrrrrrt, ˈdaʊnˈhɪl. aɪ kʊd hæv kəm ɪn hir læst wik wɪθ ə bæd pləm bət aɪ lɛt ɪt goʊ.

Well let me put a solution for you: do your business elsewhere, I don't want your business.

wɛl lɛt mi pʊt ə səˈluʃən fər ju: du jʊr ˈbɪznɪs ˈɛlsˌwɛr, aɪ doʊnt wɔnt jʊr ˈbɪznɪs.

Oh now you don't want my business.

oʊ naʊ ju doʊnt wɔnt maɪ ˈbɪznɪs.

No, I don't want your business and from this moment you're banned from the store, you're banned!

noʊ, aɪ doʊnt wɔnt jʊr ˈbɪznɪs ənd frəm ðɪs ˈmoʊmənt jʊr bænd frəm ðə stɔr, jʊr bænd!

But what am I gonna do for fruit?

bət wət æm aɪ ˈgɑnə du fər frut?

Hey listen, if I give you money would you go out and get me some fruit?

heɪ ˈlɪsən, ɪf aɪ gɪv ju ˈməni wʊd ju goʊ aʊt ənd gɪt mi səm frut?

Why can't you get it?

waɪ kænt ju gɪt ɪt?

Well I got banned from the store I can't go back in there now.

wɛl aɪ gɑt bænd frəm ðə stɔr aɪ kænt goʊ bæk ɪn ðɛr naʊ.

What happened?

wət ˈhæpənd?

Well you know, we had a fight over the peach and... well Joe doesn't want my business.

wɛl ju noʊ, wi hæd ə faɪt ˈoʊvər ðə piʧ ənd... wɛl ʤoʊ ˈdəzənt wɔnt maɪ ˈbɪznɪs.

Hey, was that a joke about Houdini?

heɪ, wɑz ðət ə ʤoʊk əˈbaʊt huˈdini?

No. I told you not to say anything.

noʊ. aɪ toʊld ju nɑt tɪ seɪ ˈɛniˌθɪŋ.

Jerry, what am I gonna do for fruit?

ˈʤɛri, wət æm aɪ ˈgɑnə du fər frut?

Well you'll have to go to the supermarket.

wɛl jul hæv tɪ goʊ tɪ ðə ˈsupərˌmɑrkɪt.

The supermarket? That's impossible! They don't have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry.

ðə ˈsupərˌmɑrkɪt? ðæts ˌɪmˈpɑsəbəl! ðeɪ doʊnt hæv ə ˈdisənt pis əv frut æt ðə ˈsupərˌmɑrkɪt. ðə ˈæpəlz ər ˈmili, ðə ˈɔrɪnʤɪz ər draɪ.

I don't know what's going on with the Papayas! Jerry you gotta go to Joe's, you gotta get me some fruit!

aɪ doʊnt noʊ wəts goʊɪŋ ɔn wɪθ ðə pəˈpaɪəz! ˈʤɛri ju ˈgɑtə goʊ tɪ ʤoʊz, ju ˈgɑtə gɪt mi səm frut!

Oh so what I'm going to buy all your fruit now?

oʊ soʊ wət əm goʊɪŋ tɪ baɪ ɔl jʊr frut naʊ?

Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong?

waɪ du aɪ fil laɪk əm duɪŋ ˈsəmθɪŋ rɔŋ?

All right now here's the list.

ɔl raɪt naʊ hɪrz ðə lɪst.

All this? It's too much. What do you need five mangos for?

ɔl ðɪs? ɪts tu məʧ. wət du ju nid faɪv mangos fər?

I like mangos.

aɪ laɪk mangos.

Avocado? I don't know how to pick out an avocado.

ˌævəˈkɑdoʊ? aɪ doʊnt noʊ haʊ tɪ pɪk aʊt ən ˌævəˈkɑdoʊ.

Well they gotta be soft.

wɛl ðeɪ ˈgɑtə bi sɔft.

How soft?

haʊ sɔft?

Not too soft. Better too hard than too soft.

nɑt tu sɔft. ˈbɛtər tu hɑrd ðən tu sɔft.

I'm not going through this every week, I tell you that right now. And what are these? Plums? What is that?

əm nɑt goʊɪŋ θru ðɪs ˈɛvəri wik, aɪ tɛl ju ðət raɪt naʊ. ənd wət ər ðiz? pləmz? wət ɪz ðət?

Yeah now get the ones that are red on the inside.

jæ naʊ gɪt ðə wənz ðət ər rɛd ɔn ðə ˌɪnˈsaɪd.

Well how do I know what they look like on the inside? What do they look like on the outside?

wɛl haʊ du aɪ noʊ wət ðeɪ lʊk laɪk ɔn ðə ˌɪnˈsaɪd? wət du ðeɪ lʊk laɪk ɔn ðə ˈaʊtˈsaɪd?

Oh! And get some plantains.

oʊ! ənd gɪt səm ˈplæntənz.

Plantains?

ˈplæntənz?

Yeah.

jæ.

What the hell is a plantain.

wət ðə hɛl ɪz ə ˈplæntən.

It's part of the banana family. It's a delicacy.

ɪts pɑrt əv ðə bəˈnænə ˈfæməli. ɪts ə ˈdɛlɪkəsi.

You're not getting any plantains.

jʊr nɑt ˈgɪtɪŋ ˈɛni ˈplæntənz.

Hey Joe.

heɪ ʤoʊ.

How is it going?

haʊ ɪz ɪt goʊɪŋ?

Good, just getting some fruit for myself. Gotta have fruit in the house. I like it as a snack. Wholesome, natural, chock-full of vitamins. I don't know let's see... mangos... four plums with red on the inside... avocado... ooo, just right... and three plantains ought to do it.

gʊd, ʤɪst ˈgɪtɪŋ səm frut fər ˌmaɪˈsɛlf. ˈgɑtə hæv frut ɪn ðə haʊs. aɪ laɪk ɪt ɛz ə snæk. ˈhoʊlsəm, ˈnæʧərəl, chock-full əv ˈvaɪtəmənz. aɪ doʊnt noʊ lɛts si... mangos... fɔr pləmz wɪθ rɛd ɔn ðə ˌɪnˈsaɪd... ˌævəˈkɑdoʊ... ooo, ʤɪst raɪt... ənd θri ˈplæntənz ɔt tɪ du ɪt.

All right, all right, just hold it right there.

ɔl raɪt, ɔl raɪt, ʤɪst hoʊld ɪt raɪt ðɛr.

What?

wət?

This fruit isn't for you.

ðɪs frut ˈɪzənt fər ju.

What, what are you talking about?

wət, wət ər ju ˈtɔkɪŋ əˈbaʊt?

You think I don't know? Mangos, plantains, plums with the red on the inside, that's Kramer!

ju θɪŋk aɪ doʊnt noʊ? mangos, ˈplæntənz, pləmz wɪθ ðə rɛd ɔn ðə ˌɪnˈsaɪd, ðæts ˈkreɪmər!

I can't buy mangos and plantains?

aɪ kænt baɪ mangos ənd ˈplæntənz?

All right, get out!

ɔl raɪt, gɪt aʊt!

You're making a big mistake, Joe!

jʊr ˈmeɪkɪŋ ə bɪg mɪˈsteɪk, ʤoʊ!

I'll tell you something else: I don't want your business anymore either.

aɪl tɛl ju ˈsəmθɪŋ ɛls: aɪ doʊnt wɔnt jʊr ˈbɪznɪs ˌɛniˈmɔr ˈiðər.

You're saying you're banning me from the store?

jʊr seɪɪŋ jʊr ˈbænɪŋ mi frəm ðə stɔr?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

ðæts ɪgˈzæktli wət əm seɪɪŋ.

I'm banned?!

əm bænd?!

You're banned.

jʊr bænd.