Сайнфелд: От противного

Speaking of having it all ... Where were you?

ˈspikɪŋ əv ˈhævɪŋ ɪt ɔl wɛr wər ju?

I went to the beach. (Jerry and Elaine exchange looks)

aɪ wɛnt tɪ ðə biʧ. (ˈʤɛri ənd ˌiˈleɪn ɪksˈʧeɪnʤ lʊks)

Oh, the beach.

oʊ, ðə biʧ.

It's not working, Jerry. It's just not working.

ɪts nɑt ˈwərkɪŋ, ˈʤɛri. ɪts ʤɪst nɑt ˈwərkɪŋ.

What is it that isn't working?

wət ɪz ɪt ðət ˈɪzənt ˈwərkɪŋ?

Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically

waɪ dɪd ɪt ɔl tərn aʊt laɪk ðɪs fər mi? aɪ hæd soʊ məʧ ˈprɑməs. aɪ wɑz ˈpərsənəbəl, aɪ wɑz braɪt. oʊ, ˈmeɪbi nɑt ˌækəˈdɛmɪkli

speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party.

ˈspikɪŋ, bət aɪ wɑz pərˈsɛptɪv. aɪ ˈɔlˌweɪz noʊ wɪn ˈsəmˌwənz ənˈkəmfərtəbəl æt ə ˈpɑrti.

Gotta napkin over there?

ˈgɑtə ˈnæpkɪn ˈoʊvər ðɛr?

It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is

ɪt bɪˈkeɪm ˈvɛri klɪr tɪ mi ˈsɪtɪŋ aʊt ðɛr təˈdeɪ, ðət ˈɛvəri dɪˈsɪʒən aɪv ˈɛvər meɪd, ɪn maɪ ɪnˈtaɪər laɪf, həz bɪn rɔŋ. maɪ laɪf ɪz

the complete opposite of everything I wanted to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect, be it something to wear, something to eat

ðə kəmˈplit ˈɑpəzɪt əv ˈɛvriˌθɪŋ aɪ ˈwɔntɪd tɪ bi. ˈɛvəri ˈɪnstɪŋkt aɪ hæv, ɪn ˈɛvəri ˈæˌspɛkt, bi ɪt ˈsəmθɪŋ tɪ wɛr, ˈsəmθɪŋ tɪ it

... It's all been wrong.

ɪts ɔl bɪn rɔŋ.

Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.

ˈtunə ɔn toʊst, ˈkoʊlsˌlɑ, kəp əv ˈkɔfi.

Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite

jæ. noʊ, noʊ, noʊ, weɪt ə ˈmɪnət, aɪ ˈɔlˌweɪz hæv ˈtunə ɔn toʊst. ˈnəθɪŋz ˈɛvər wərkt aʊt fər mi wɪθ ˈtunə ɔn toʊst. aɪ wɔnt ðə kəmˈplit ˈɑpəzɪt

of tuna on toast – chicken salad on rye, untoasted with a side of potato salad and a cup of tea.

əv ˈtunə ɔn toʊst – ˈʧɪkən ˈsæləd ɔn raɪ, untoasted wɪθ ə saɪd əv pəˈteɪˌtoʊ ˈsæləd ənd ə kəp əv ti.

Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.

wɛl, ðɛrz noʊ ˈtɛlɪŋ wət kən ˈhæpən frəm ðɪs.

You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna. Salmon is the opposite of tuna, 'cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.

ju noʊ ˈʧɪkən ˈsæləd ɪz nɑt ðə ˈɑpəzɪt əv ˈtunə. ˈsæmən ɪz ðə ˈɑpəzɪt əv ˈtunə, 'kɔs ˈsæmən swɪm əˈgɛnst ðə ˈkɑrənt, ənd ðə ˈtunə swɪm wɪθ ɪt.

Good for the tuna.

gʊd fər ðə ˈtunə.

Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.

ɑ, ʤɔrʤ, ju noʊ, ðət ˈwʊmən ʤɪst lʊkt æt ju.

So what? What am I supposed to do?

soʊ wət? wət æm aɪ səˈpoʊzd tɪ du?

Go talk to her.

goʊ tɔk tɪ hər.

Elaine, bald men with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents don't approach strange women.

ˌiˈleɪn, bɔld mɛn wɪθ noʊ ʤɑbz, ənd noʊ ˈməni, hu lɪv wɪθ ðɛr ˈpɛrənts doʊnt əˈproʊʧ streɪnʤ ˈwɪmən.

Well here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.

wɛl hɪrz jʊr ʧæns tɪ traɪ ðə ˈɑpəzɪt. ˌɪnˈstɛd əv ˈtunə ˈsæləd ənd biɪŋ ˌɪnˈtɪmɪˌdeɪtɪd baɪ ˈwɪmən, ˈʧɪkən ˈsæləd ənd goʊɪŋ raɪt əp tɪ ðɛm.

Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.

jæ, aɪ ʃʊd du ðə ˈɑpəzɪt, aɪ ʃʊd.

If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

ɪf ˈɛvəri ˈɪnstɪŋkt ju hæv ɪz rɔŋ, ðɛn ðə ˈɑpəzɪt wʊd hæv tɪ bi raɪt.

Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!

jɛs, aɪ wɪl du ðə ˈɑpəzɪt. aɪ juzd tɪ sɪt hir ənd du ˈnəθɪŋ, ənd rɪˈgrɛt ɪt fər ðə rɛst əv ðə deɪ, soʊ naʊ aɪ wɪl du ðə ˈɑpəzɪt, ənd aɪ wɪl du ˈsəmθɪŋ!

Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in my direction.

ɪkˈskjuz mi, aɪ ˈkʊdənt hɛlp bət ˈnoʊtɪs ðət ju wər ˈlʊkɪŋ ɪn maɪ dɪˈrɛkʃɪn.

Oh, yes I was. You just ordered the same exact lunch as me.

oʊ, jɛs aɪ wɑz. ju ʤɪst ˈɔrdərd ðə seɪm ɪgˈzækt lənʧ ɛz mi.

My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

maɪ neɪm ɪz ʤɔrʤ. əm ˌənɛmˈplɔɪd ənd aɪ lɪv wɪθ maɪ ˈpɛrənts.

I'm Victoria. Hi.

əm vɪkˈtɔriə. haɪ.

Are you growing a beard?

ər ju groʊɪŋ ə bɪrd?

Why shave every day? It just grows right back.

waɪ ʃeɪv ˈɛvəri deɪ? ɪt ʤɪst groʊz raɪt bæk.

I guess ...

aɪ gɛs

I'm afraid I'm just not interested in how I present myself. If those kind of superficialities are important to you, this probably isn't gonna work.

əm əˈfreɪd əm ʤɪst nɑt ˈɪntəˌrɛstɪd ɪn haʊ aɪ ˈprɛzənt ˌmaɪˈsɛlf. ɪf ðoʊz kaɪnd əv superficialities ər ˌɪmˈpɔrtənt tɪ ju, ðɪs ˈprɑbəˌbli ˈɪzənt ˈgɑnə wərk.

Hey watch it, he just cut you off! Did you see that?!

heɪ wɔʧ ɪt, hi ʤɪst kət ju ɔf! dɪd ju si ðət?!

Take it easy. Take it easy. It's not the end of the world.

teɪk ɪt ˈizi. teɪk ɪt ˈizi. ɪts nɑt ðə ɛnd əv ðə wərld.

Hey baby, how about a little tongue action, huh?

heɪ ˈbeɪbi, haʊ əˈbaʊt ə ˈlɪtəl təŋ ˈækʃən, hə?

Yeah, stick your tongue down his throat!

jæ, stɪk jʊr təŋ daʊn hɪz θroʊt!

What are we gonna do? Should we just move?

wət ər wi ˈgɑnə du? ʃʊd wi ʤɪst muv?

That won't be necessary. Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! We're trying to watch the movie! And if I have to tell you again, we're

ðət woʊnt bi ˈnɛsəˌsɛri. ʃət jʊr træps ənd stɑp ˈkɪkɪŋ ðə sits! wɪr traɪɪŋ tɪ wɔʧ ðə ˈmuvi! ənd ɪf aɪ hæv tɪ tɛl ju əˈgɛn, wɪr

gonna take it outside and I'm gonna show you what it's like! You understand me? Now, shut your mouths or I'll shut'em for ya, and if you think I'm

ˈgɑnə teɪk ɪt ˈaʊtˈsaɪd ənd əm ˈgɑnə ʃoʊ ju wət ɪts laɪk! ju ˌəndərˈstænd mi? naʊ, ʃət jʊr maʊðz ər aɪl shut'em fər jɑ, ənd ɪf ju θɪŋk əm

kidding, just try me. Try me. Because I would love it!

ˈkɪdɪŋ, ʤɪst traɪ mi. traɪ mi. bɪˈkəz aɪ wʊd ləv ɪt!

Are you sure you don't wanna come up, I mean, it's only nine thirty.

ər ju ʃʊr ju doʊnt ˈwɑnə kəm əp, aɪ min, ɪts ˈoʊnli naɪn ˈθərˌdi.

I don't think we should. We really don't know each other very well.

aɪ doʊnt θɪŋk wi ʃʊd. wi ˈrɪli doʊnt noʊ iʧ ˈəðər ˈvɛri wɛl.

Who are you, George Costanza?

hu ər ju, ʤɔrʤ koʊˈstɑnzə?

I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met.

əm ðə ˈɑpəzɪt əv ˈɛvəri gaɪ juv ˈɛvər mɛt.