Сайнфелд: Неудачная стрижка

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.

jæ, jæ, jæ, heɪ.

Shower?

ʃaʊər?

Haircut.

ˈhɛrˌkət.

Who'd you use? Gino?

hud ju juz? ˈʤinoʊ?

Oh course. I wouldn't let that other butcher cut my hair.

oʊ kɔrs. aɪ ˈwʊdənt lɛt ðət ˈəðər ˈbʊʧər kət maɪ hɛr.

What butcher?

wət ˈbʊʧər?

Uncle Enzo. That's the guy Jerry uses.

ˈəŋkəl ˈɛnzoʊ. ðæts ðə gaɪ ˈʤɛri ˈjuzɪz.

Well I've been going with him for 12 years. I can't switch. I'd hurt his feelings.

wɛl aɪv bɪn goʊɪŋ wɪθ ɪm fər 12 jɪrz. aɪ kænt swɪʧ. aɪd hərt hɪz ˈfilɪŋz.

You never get good haircuts.

ju ˈnɛvər gɪt gʊd ˈhɛrˌkəts.

You can get a good one today. It's Enzo's day off. Gino's there all by himself.

ju kən gɪt ə gʊd wən təˈdeɪ. ɪts enzo's deɪ ɔf. gino's ðɛr ɔl baɪ hɪmˈsɛlf.

Will you go ahead? You need a haircut.

wɪl ju goʊ əˈhɛd? ju nid ə ˈhɛrˌkət.

Okay.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ.

Oh Jerry.

oʊ ˈʤɛri.

Oh hi Enzo.

oʊ haɪ ˈɛnzoʊ.

Oh, you've come for the haircut.

oʊ, juv kəm fər ðə ˈhɛrˌkət.

No, actually I was just...

noʊ, ˈæˌkʧuəli aɪ wɑz ʤɪst...

It's my day off, but I take care of you anyway because you're my favorite customer. You've been

ɪts maɪ deɪ ɔf, bət aɪ teɪk kɛr əv ju ˈɛniˌweɪ bɪˈkəz jʊr maɪ ˈfeɪvərɪt ˈkəstəmər. juv bɪn

with me for so long. You're so loyal.

wɪθ mi fər soʊ lɔŋ. jʊr soʊ lɔɪəl.

Well I, if it's your day off I really...

wɛl aɪ, ɪf ɪts jʊr deɪ ɔf aɪ ˈrɪli...

Jerry, today, I'm gonna do something special for you.

ˈʤɛri, təˈdeɪ, əm ˈgɑnə du ˈsəmθɪŋ ˈspɛʃəl fər ju.

Well I don't want to take too much off.

wɛl aɪ doʊnt wɔnt tɪ teɪk tu məʧ ɔf.

Hey who's your barber, eh? You tell the joke, I cut the hair.

heɪ huz jʊr ˈbɑrbər, ɛ? ju tɛl ðə ʤoʊk, aɪ kət ðə hɛr.

Gino, you've outdone yourself this time. This is the best haircut I've ever had.

ˈʤinoʊ, juv ˈaʊtˈdən ˈjɔrsɛlf ðɪs taɪm. ðɪs ɪz ðə bɛst ˈhɛrˌkət aɪv ˈɛvər hæd.

He massacred you. You look like you're five years old.

hi ˈmæsəkərd ju. ju lʊk laɪk jʊr faɪv jɪrz oʊld.

What if I shampoo? Sometimes a shampoo helps.

wət ɪf aɪ ʃæmˈpu? ˈsəmˌtaɪmz ə ʃæmˈpu hɛlps.

You've got to start seeing someone else. Get out of this relationship.

juv gɑt tɪ stɑrt siɪŋ ˈsəmˌwən ɛls. gɪt aʊt əv ðɪs riˈleɪʃənˌʃɪp.

I can't. He loves me. He says I'm his most loyal customer. Plus he's right there on the corner. I'd

aɪ kænt. hi ləvz mi. hi sɪz əm hɪz moʊst lɔɪəl ˈkəstəmər. pləs hiz raɪt ðɛr ɔn ðə ˈkɔrnər. aɪd

have to pass him every day when I go by.

hæv tɪ pæs ɪm ˈɛvəri deɪ wɪn aɪ goʊ baɪ.

You gotta do it.

ju ˈgɑtə du ɪt.

I can't, I can't. I'd break his heart.

aɪ kænt, aɪ kænt. aɪd breɪk hɪz hɑrt.

No way my Gino did that. It's an Enzo.

noʊ weɪ maɪ ˈʤinoʊ dɪd ðət. ɪts ən ˈɛnzoʊ.

He did the job. I thought you told me he wasn't going to be there.

hi dɪd ðə ʤɑb. aɪ θɔt ju toʊld mi hi ˈwəzənt goʊɪŋ tɪ bi ðɛr.

So what?

soʊ wət?

I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

aɪ ˈdɪdənt wɔnt tɪ hərt hɪz ˈfilɪŋz.

His feelings? You can't continue seeing him. You're destroying yourself. I'm not going to let

hɪz ˈfilɪŋz? ju kænt kənˈtɪnju siɪŋ ɪm. jʊr dɪˈstrɔɪɪŋ ˈjɔrsɛlf. əm nɑt goʊɪŋ tɪ lɛt

you. If you don't call him, I will.

ju. ɪf ju doʊnt kɔl ɪm, aɪ wɪl.

No Kramer. I don't want you to do that. You can't do that.

noʊ ˈkreɪmər. aɪ doʊnt wɔnt ju tɪ du ðət. ju kænt du ðət.

I'm going to call Gino, you're going to see him, and we're going to get that haircut fixed up.

əm goʊɪŋ tɪ kɔl ˈʤinoʊ, jʊr goʊɪŋ tɪ si ɪm, ənd wɪr goʊɪŋ tɪ gɪt ðət ˈhɛrˌkət fɪkst əp.

I don't want you to call him.

aɪ doʊnt wɔnt ju tɪ kɔl ɪm.

All right, geez. You're crazy.

ɔl raɪt, ʤiz. jʊr ˈkreɪzi.

Hi.

haɪ.

Hi. How come you're wearing a hat?

haɪ. haʊ kəm jʊr ˈwɛrɪŋ ə hæt?

I got a haircut.

aɪ gɑt ə ˈhɛrˌkət.

Oh yeah? Can I see it?

oʊ jæ? kən aɪ si ɪt?

Oh there's nothing to see.

oʊ ðɛrz ˈnəθɪŋ tɪ si.

Come on. Let me see it.

kəm ɔn. lɛt mi si ɪt.

Forget it.

fərˈgɛt ɪt.

Come on.

kəm ɔn.

All right.

ɔl raɪt.