Компьютерщики: День моей смерти

Now, will you answer this question?

naʊ, wɪl ju ˈænsər ðɪs kˈwɛʃən?

Oh, are we still on this?

oʊ, ər wi stɪl ɔn ðɪs?

Well, you keep interrupting me. We would have been done ages ago, but...

wɛl, ju kip ˌɪntərˈəptɪŋ mi. wi wʊd hæv bɪn dən ˈeɪʤɪz əˈgoʊ, bət...

All right. All right. Okay. Go on.

ɔl raɪt. ɔl raɪt. ˌoʊˈkeɪ. goʊ ɔn.

Question 39. When was the last time you exercised?

kˈwɛʃən 39 wɪn wɑz ðə læst taɪm ju ˈɛksərˌsaɪzd?

Ah, the last time I exercised was never.

ɑ, ðə læst taɪm aɪ ˈɛksərˌsaɪzd wɑz ˈnɛvər.

I'm still reeling from your answer to Question 12.

əm stɪl ˈrilɪŋ frəm jʊr ˈænsər tɪ kˈwɛʃən 12

What was Question 12?

wət wɑz kˈwɛʃən 12

You brush your teeth in the bath.

ju brəʃ jʊr tiθ ɪn ðə bæθ.

So.

soʊ.

That's where your balls are.

ðæts wɛr jʊr bɔlz ər.

Okay. Question 40. Do you get your fine fruit and veg?

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. kˈwɛʃən 40 du ju gɪt jʊr faɪn frut ənd veg?

Oh, I mean I certainly try to. I would say I probably do.

oʊ, aɪ min aɪ ˈsərtənli traɪ tɪ. aɪ wʊd seɪ aɪ ˈprɑbəˌbli du.

A day.

ə deɪ.

A what?

ə wət?

Okay, you are going to love this. This website takes all that information you just gave me and guess what it does? It actually estimates the date of your death.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, ju ər goʊɪŋ tɪ ləv ðɪs. ðɪs ˈwɛbˌsaɪt teɪks ɔl ðət ˌɪnˌfɔrˈmeɪʃən ju ʤɪst geɪv mi ənd gɛs wət ɪt dɪz? ɪt ˈæˌkʧuəli ˈɛstəˌmeɪts ðə deɪt əv jʊr dɛθ.

What?

wət?

I know. Unbelievable, isn't it?

aɪ noʊ. ˌənbəˈlivəbəl, ˈɪzənt ɪt?

Well, wait a second. I know about those. Everyone knows about those.

wɛl, weɪt ə ˈsɛkənd. aɪ noʊ əˈbaʊt ðoʊz. ˈɛvriˌwən noʊz əˈbaʊt ðoʊz.

All right. So, you've already done it. So, when's the big day?

ɔl raɪt. soʊ, juv ɔˈrɛdi dən ɪt. soʊ, wɛnz ðə bɪg deɪ?

No, I haven't done it. Why would I want to do it?

noʊ, aɪ ˈhævənt dən ɪt. waɪ wʊd aɪ wɔnt tɪ du ɪt?

I go March 2nd, 2079.

aɪ goʊ mɑrʧ 2nd, 2079

Oh my god.

oʊ maɪ gɑd.

That's right, baby. I've got 70 more years.

ðæts raɪt, ˈbeɪbi. aɪv gɑt 70 mɔr jɪrz.

Okay, Moss, close that window. I do not want to know.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, mɔs, kloʊz ðət ˈwɪndoʊ. aɪ du nɑt wɔnt tɪ noʊ.

But I've written it all in now.

bət aɪv ˈrɪtən ɪt ɔl ɪn naʊ.

Moss. I do not want to know the date of my death. Close it.

mɔs. aɪ du nɑt wɔnt tɪ noʊ ðə deɪt əv maɪ dɛθ. kloʊz ɪt.

You looked. You know when I'm going to die.

ju lʊkt. ju noʊ wɪn əm goʊɪŋ tɪ daɪ.

I do. Yes.

aɪ du. jɛs.

I told you not to look.

aɪ toʊld ju nɑt tɪ lʊk.

I made a mistake.

aɪ meɪd ə mɪˈsteɪk.

When is it?

wɪn ɪz ɪt?

You don't want to know.

ju doʊnt wɔnt tɪ noʊ.

You can't say that to me now.

ju kænt seɪ ðət tɪ mi naʊ.

My advice, Roy, is to forget all about me.

maɪ ədˈvaɪs, rɔɪ, ɪz tɪ fərˈgɛt ɔl əˈbaʊt mi.

What? How long were they giving me? 20 years? It's less than 20?

wət? haʊ lɔŋ wər ðeɪ ˈgɪvɪŋ mi? 20 jɪrz? ɪts lɛs ðən 20

You see, I don't think this is taking into account leap years. So, that could well be something to hang on to.

ju si, aɪ doʊnt θɪŋk ðɪs ɪz ˈteɪkɪŋ ˈɪntu əˈkaʊnt lip jɪrz. soʊ, ðət kʊd wɛl bi ˈsəmθɪŋ tɪ hæŋ ɔn tɪ.

What does it say, Moss? Does it say I'm already dead?

wət dɪz ɪt seɪ, mɔs? dɪz ɪt seɪ əm ɔˈrɛdi dɛd?

Oh, no. That would be terrible.

oʊ, noʊ. ðət wʊd bi ˈtɛrəbəl.

Thank God.

θæŋk gɑd.

It's Thursday.

ɪts ˈθərzˌdeɪ.

What?

wət?

It's Thursday.

ɪts ˈθərzˌdeɪ.

Thursday. It's Thursday.

ˈθərzˌdeɪ. ɪts ˈθərzˌdeɪ.