Компьютерщики: Джен — компьютерный эксперт

Come in.

kəm ɪn.

Yeah, Denholm. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No, they've been fine so far. Yeah. I think we're going to get on

jæ, ˈdɛnˌhoʊlm. jæ, jæ. noʊ, noʊ, noʊ, noʊ, noʊ. noʊ, ðeɪv bɪn faɪn soʊ fɑr. jæ. aɪ θɪŋk wɪr goʊɪŋ tɪ gɪt ɔn

great. Yeah, I know. Alright, then. No, you take care. Alright. Yeah, I will, yeah. Okay, okay, take care. Take care.

greɪt. jæ, aɪ noʊ. ˌɔˈlraɪt, ðɛn. noʊ, ju teɪk kɛr. ˌɔˈlraɪt. jæ, aɪ wɪl, jæ. ˌoʊˈkeɪ, ˌoʊˈkeɪ, teɪk kɛr. teɪk kɛr.

Okay, bye. Bye.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, baɪ. baɪ.

So, hello. What can I do you for, what can I do for you?

soʊ, hɛˈloʊ. wət kən aɪ du ju fər, wət kən aɪ du fər ju?

Hello. I was just wondering, do you want me to connect up your phone?

hɛˈloʊ. aɪ wɑz ʤɪst ˈwəndərɪŋ, du ju wɔnt mi tɪ kəˈnɛkt əp jʊr foʊn?

No, n-n-n-n-n-no, no, no. It's working. I was just talking to Denholm there.

noʊ, n-n-n-n-n-no, noʊ, noʊ. ɪts ˈwərkɪŋ. aɪ wɑz ʤɪst ˈtɔkɪŋ tɪ ˈdɛnˌhoʊlm ðɛr.

But how?

bət haʊ?

Would you mind...? Would you mind closing the door for me?

wʊd ju maɪnd...? wʊd ju maɪnd ˈkloʊzɪŋ ðə dɔr fər mi?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

oʊ, jæ. ʃʊr.

Yeah, from the other side.

jæ, frəm ðə ˈəðər saɪd.

Of course. Like this?

əv kɔrs. laɪk ðɪs?

That's it.

ðæts ɪt.

With me on the...

wɪθ mi ɔn ðə...

Thanks.

θæŋks.

Oh.

oʊ.

Are you alright?

ər ju ˌɔˈlraɪt?

Oh, yes, Moss, I'm fine. The nurse said I didn't do myself any serious damage.

oʊ, jɛs, mɔs, əm faɪn. ðə nərs sɛd aɪ ˈdɪdənt du ˌmaɪˈsɛlf ˈɛni ˈsɪriəs ˈdæmɪʤ.

I'm standing over here.

əm ˈstændɪŋ ˈoʊvər hir.

I know, I know. I'm joking. I'm fine. What are we going to do about her?

aɪ noʊ, aɪ noʊ. əm ˈʤoʊkɪŋ. əm faɪn. wət ər wi goʊɪŋ tɪ du əˈbaʊt hər?

Well, I just went in and she was having a pretend conversation.

wɛl, aɪ ʤɪst wɛnt ɪn ənd ʃi wɑz ˈhævɪŋ ə priˈtɛnd ˌkɑnvərˈseɪʃən.

Really?

ˈrɪli?

Yes. She's a little bit weird, to say the least.

jɛs. ʃiz ə ˈlɪtəl bɪt wɪrd, tɪ seɪ ðə list.

What's that?

wəts ðət?

Oh, just water. Sometimes I get a hot ear, and this helps cool it down. She is quite the oddball. Did you notice how she

oʊ, ʤɪst ˈwɔtər. ˈsəmˌtaɪmz aɪ gɪt ə hɑt ɪr, ənd ðɪs hɛlps kul ɪt daʊn. ʃi ɪz kwaɪt ðə ˈɑdˌbɔl. dɪd ju ˈnoʊtɪs haʊ ʃi

didn't even get excited when she saw this original ZX81?

ˈdɪdənt ˈivɪn gɪt ɪkˈsaɪtɪd wɪn ʃi sɔ ðɪs ərˈɪʤənəl zx81

Yeah, that was weird. It's almost as if she doesn't know anything about computers.

jæ, ðət wɑz wɪrd. ɪts ˈɔlˌmoʊst ɛz ɪf ʃi ˈdəzənt noʊ ˈɛniˌθɪŋ əˈbaʊt kəmˈpjutərz.

What?

wət?

Look what you did.

lʊk wət ju dɪd.

Don't worry. That's why I always make two cups of tea. Anyway, what were we talking about?

doʊnt ˈwəri. ðæts waɪ aɪ ˈɔlˌweɪz meɪk tu kəps əv ti. ˈɛniˌweɪ, wət wər wi ˈtɔkɪŋ əˈbaʊt?

Her not knowing anything about computers.

hər nɑt noʊɪŋ ˈɛniˌθɪŋ əˈbaʊt kəmˈpjutərz.

What?

wət?

We definitely want to get rid of her.

wi ˈdɛfənətli wɔnt tɪ gɪt rɪd əv hər.

Agreed. Yeah.

əˈgrid. jæ.

Okay, so here's the plan.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, soʊ hɪrz ðə plæn.

A plan. Let me put on my slightly larger glasses. Okay, hit me.

ə plæn. lɛt mi pʊt ɔn maɪ sˈlaɪtli ˈlɑrʤər ˈglæsɪz. ˌoʊˈkeɪ, hɪt mi.

Okay, we go in.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, wi goʊ ɪn.

When?

wɪn?

You know, like, in a minute.

ju noʊ, laɪk, ɪn ə ˈmɪnət.

Will that be enough time for me to get to know the plan?

wɪl ðət bi ɪˈnəf taɪm fər mi tɪ gɪt tɪ noʊ ðə plæn?

Yeah, you know what? I shouldn't have used the word "plan.". I've clearly gotten you overexcited.

jæ, ju noʊ wət? aɪ ˈʃʊdənt hæv juzd ðə wərd "plæn.". aɪv ˈklɪrli ˈgɔtən ju ˌoʊvərɛkˈsaɪtɪd.

Would scheme be a better word? Although, that's just as exciting. I might even need these.

wʊd skim bi ə ˈbɛtər wərd? ˌɔlˈðoʊ, ðæts ʤɪst ɛz ɪkˈsaɪtɪŋ. aɪ maɪt ˈivɪn nid ðiz.

All I was going to say was, we go in, I make up a load of bollocks about computers, and we'll see if she picks up on it.

ɔl aɪ wɑz goʊɪŋ tɪ seɪ wɑz, wi goʊ ɪn, aɪ meɪk əp ə loʊd əv bollocks əˈbaʊt kəmˈpjutərz, ənd wɪl si ɪf ʃi pɪks əp ɔn ɪt.

Yes. I can see why you didn't want to use the word "plan."

jɛs. aɪ kən si waɪ ju ˈdɪdənt wɔnt tɪ juz ðə wərd "plæn."

Let me do the talking.

lɛt mi du ðə ˈtɔkɪŋ.

Alright.

ˌɔˈlraɪt.

Hang on, guys. How can I help?

hæŋ ɔn, gaɪz. haʊ kən aɪ hɛlp?

Well, we were just wondering, now that you're "the boss", would you like us to access the data supplier and connect you up

wɛl, wi wər ʤɪst ˈwəndərɪŋ, naʊ ðət jʊr "ðə bɔs", wʊd ju laɪk ˈjuˈɛs tɪ ˈækˌsɛs ðə ˈdætə səˈplaɪər ənd kəˈnɛkt ju əp

to the matrix?

tɪ ðə ˈmeɪtrɪks?

You just made all that up.

ju ʤɪst meɪd ɔl ðət əp.

You don't know anything about computers, admit it!

ju doʊnt noʊ ˈɛniˌθɪŋ əˈbaʊt kəmˈpjutərz, ədˈmɪt ɪt!

Will you stop trying to undermine me? Now get in there and do some work to do with com-pu-ters. I'll be in there in a minute

wɪl ju stɑp traɪɪŋ tɪ ˈəndərˌmaɪn mi? naʊ gɪt ɪn ðɛr ənd du səm wərk tɪ du wɪθ com-pu-ters. aɪl bi ɪn ðɛr ɪn ə ˈmɪnət

to check up on you.

tɪ ʧɛk əp ɔn ju.

Okay, lady, you've won this round. But we can wait. You will slip up one day and, believe you me, we will be there when you do.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, ˈleɪdi, juv wən ðɪs raʊnd. bət wi kən weɪt. ju wɪl slɪp əp wən deɪ ənd, bɪˈliv ju mi, wi wɪl bi ðɛr wɪn ju du.

There will be some piece of evidence that will prove without any shadow of a doubt that you don't know anything about computers.

ðɛr wɪl bi səm pis əv ˈɛvədəns ðət wɪl pruv wɪˈθaʊt ˈɛni ˈʃæˌdoʊ əv ə daʊt ðət ju doʊnt noʊ ˈɛniˌθɪŋ əˈbaʊt kəmˈpjutərz.

What are you doing?

wət ər ju duɪŋ?

Plugging in your computer.

ˈpləgɪŋ ɪn jʊr kəmˈpjutər.

It might be something you say, or something you do, but when we notice it, and, believe me, we will notice it, it's going to

ɪt maɪt bi ˈsəmθɪŋ ju seɪ, ər ˈsəmθɪŋ ju du, bət wɪn wi ˈnoʊtɪs ɪt, ənd, bɪˈliv mi, wi wɪl ˈnoʊtɪs ɪt, ɪts goʊɪŋ tɪ

be a long way down for you, sweet cheeks.

bi ə lɔŋ weɪ daʊn fər ju, swit ʧiks.

He'll realise in a second.

hil ˈriəˌlaɪz ɪn ə ˈsɛkənd.

Ha!

hɑ!