Теория большого взрыва: Шелдону нужен водитель

Good morning, Leonard.

gʊd ˈmɔrnɪŋ, ˈlɛnərd.

Uh-huh.

ˈəˈhə.

Yeah, we’re going to have to stop by a Pottery Barn on the way to work. I bought these Star Wars sheets, but they turned out

jæ, we’re goʊɪŋ tɪ hæv tɪ stɑp baɪ ə ˈpɑtəri bɑrn ɔn ðə weɪ tɪ wərk. aɪ bɔt ðiz stɑr wɔrz ʃits, bət ðeɪ tərnd aʊt

to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night’s sleep. I don’t like the way Darth Vader stares at me.

tɪ bi məʧ tu ˈstɪmjəˌleɪtɪŋ tɪ bi kəmˈpætəbəl wɪθ ə gʊd night’s slip. aɪ don’t laɪk ðə weɪ dɑrθ ˈveɪdər stɛrz æt mi.

I’m not going to work. Didn’t I tell you I’d be working nights, and that you’d have to make other arrangements.

i’m nɑt goʊɪŋ tɪ wərk. didn’t aɪ tɛl ju i’d bi ˈwərkɪŋ naɪts, ənd ðət you’d hæv tɪ meɪk ˈəðər ərˈeɪnʤmənts.

You did.

ju dɪd.

And?

ənd?

I didn’t. Let’s go.

aɪ didn’t. let’s goʊ.

Goodnight, Sheldon.

ˈgʊdˌnaɪt, ˈʃɛldən.

But how am I going to get to work?

bət haʊ æm aɪ goʊɪŋ tɪ gɪt tɪ wərk?

Take the bus.

teɪk ðə bəs.

I can’t take the bus any more. They don’t have seatbelts.

aɪ can’t teɪk ðə bəs ˈɛni mɔr. ðeɪ don’t hæv ˈsitˌbɛlts.

Oh, you’re a big boy. you’ll figure it out.

oʊ, you’re ə bɪg bɔɪ. you’ll ˈfɪgjər ɪt aʊt.

Don’t talk to me like I’m a child. Now, take me to return my Star Wars sheets!

don’t tɔk tɪ mi laɪk i’m ə ʧaɪld. naʊ, teɪk mi tɪ rɪˈtərn maɪ stɑr wɔrz ʃits!

Penny. Penny. Penny.

ˈpɛni. ˈpɛni. ˈpɛni.

Sheldon, what is it?

ˈʃɛldən, wət ɪz ɪt?

Leonard is asleep.

ˈlɛnərd ɪz əsˈlip.

Thanks for the update.

θæŋks fər ðə ˈəpˌdeɪt.

No, wait. You have to drive me to work.

noʊ, weɪt. ju hæv tɪ draɪv mi tɪ wərk.

Yeah, I really don’t think I do.

jæ, aɪ ˈrɪli don’t θɪŋk aɪ du.

But I don’t drive. Didn’t you recently state that you and I are friends?

bət aɪ don’t draɪv. didn’t ju ˈrisəntli steɪt ðət ju ənd aɪ ər frɛndz?

Yes, Sheldon, we are friends. Oh, dear God.

jɛs, ˈʃɛldən, wi ər frɛndz. oʊ, dɪr gɑd.

Thank you for driving me to work.

θæŋk ju fər ˈdraɪvɪŋ mi tɪ wərk.

You know this is my day off, Sheldon.

ju noʊ ðɪs ɪz maɪ deɪ ɔf, ˈʃɛldən.

Oh, good. I’m not keeping you from anything. Your check-engine light is on.

oʊ, gʊd. i’m nɑt ˈkipɪŋ ju frəm ˈɛniˌθɪŋ. jʊr check-engine laɪt ɪz ɔn.

Mm-hmm.

mm-hmm.

Typically, that’s an indicator to, you know, check your engine.

ˈtɪpɪkəli, that’s ən ˈɪndəˌkeɪtər tɪ, ju noʊ, ʧɛk jʊr ˈɪnʤən.

It’s fine. It’s been on for, like, a month.

it’s faɪn. it’s bɪn ɔn fər, laɪk, ə mənθ.

Well, actually, that would be all the more reason to, you know, check your engine.

wɛl, ˈæˌkʧuəli, ðət wʊd bi ɔl ðə mɔr ˈrizən tɪ, ju noʊ, ʧɛk jʊr ˈɪnʤən.

Sheldon, it’s fine.

ˈʃɛldən, it’s faɪn.

If it were fine, the light wouldn’t be on. That’s why the manufacturer installed that light. To let you know it’s not fine.

ɪf ɪt wər faɪn, ðə laɪt wouldn’t bi ɔn. that’s waɪ ðə ˌmænjəˈfækʧərər ˌɪnˈstɔld ðət laɪt. tɪ lɛt ju noʊ it’s nɑt faɪn.

Maybe the light’s broken.

ˈmeɪbi ðə light’s ˈbroʊkən.

Is there a “check the check-engine light light”? O-o-o-oh!

ɪz ðɛr ə ““check ðə check-engine laɪt light””? o-o-o-oh!

What?

wət?

Studies have shown that performing tasks such as eating, talking on a cell phone, or drinking coffee while driving reduces

ˈstədiz hæv ʃoʊn ðət pərˈfɔrmɪŋ tæsks səʧ ɛz ˈitɪŋ, ˈtɔkɪŋ ɔn ə sɛl foʊn, ər ˈdrɪŋkɪŋ ˈkɔfi waɪl ˈdraɪvɪŋ rɪˈdusɪz

one’s reaction time by the same factor as an ounce of alcohol.

one’s riˈækʃən taɪm baɪ ðə seɪm ˈfæktər ɛz ən aʊns əv ˈælkəˌhɑl.

Do you have any alcohol?

du ju hæv ˈɛni ˈælkəˌhɑl?

Of course not.

əv kɔrs nɑt.

Too bad.

tu bæd.

You’re going up Euclid Avenue?

you’re goʊɪŋ əp ˈjuklɪd ˈævəˌnu?

Mm-hmm.

mm-hmm.

Leonard takes Los Robles Avenue.

ˈlɛnərd teɪks lɔs ˈroʊbəlz ˈævəˌnu.

Well, good for Leonard.

wɛl, gʊd fər ˈlɛnərd.

Euclid Avenue is shorter as the crow flies, but it has speed bumps, which appreciably increase point-to-point drive time,

ˈjuklɪd ˈævəˌnu ɪz ˈʃɔrtər ɛz ðə kroʊ flaɪz, bət ɪt həz spid bəmps, wɪʧ əˈpriʃəbli ˌɪnˈkris point-to-point draɪv taɪm,

making it the less efficient choice. But you have the conn. Of course, if you’re not going to slow down for the speed bumps,

ˈmeɪkɪŋ ɪt ðə lɛs ɪˈfɪʃənt ʧɔɪs. bət ju hæv ðə kɑn. əv kɔrs, ɪf you’re nɑt goʊɪŋ tɪ sloʊ daʊn fər ðə spid bəmps,

I withdraw my previous objection.

aɪ wɪθˈdrɔ maɪ ˈpriviəs əˈbʤɛkʃən.

How about we just have a little quiet time now?

haʊ əˈbaʊt wi ʤɪst hæv ə ˈlɪtəl kwaɪət taɪm naʊ?

All right. I’m sorry. I’m finding your reckless nonchalance regarding the check-engine light to be very troubling.

ɔl raɪt. i’m ˈsɑri. i’m ˈfaɪndɪŋ jʊr ˈrɛkləs ˈnɑnʃəˈlɑns rɪˈgɑrdɪŋ ðə check-engine laɪt tɪ bi ˈvɛri ˈtrəbəlɪŋ.

Get out.

gɪt aʊt.