Тед Лассо: Рой и Джейми

Thanks, love.

θæŋks, ləv.

Oh, my God.

oʊ, maɪ gɑd.

Thank you.

θæŋk ju.

Oh, that...

oʊ, ðət...

Look, guys, this is a brand-new suit. Rather than messing with me tonight, can you just get me two times tomorrow?

lʊk, gaɪz, ðɪs ɪz ə ˈbrændˌnu sut. ˈrəðər ðən ˈmɛsɪŋ wɪθ mi təˈnaɪt, kən ju ʤɪst gɪt mi tu taɪmz təˈmɑˌroʊ?

Roy said we're not allowed anymore.

rɔɪ sɛd wɪr nɑt əˈlaʊd ˌɛniˈmɔr.

He fucking head-butted me. I'm still dizzy half the time. The doctors told me not to drink.

hi ˈfəkɪŋ head-butted mi. əm stɪl ˈdɪzi hæf ðə taɪm. ðə ˈdɑktərz toʊld mi nɑt tɪ drɪŋk.

Ah! Shit.

ɑ! ʃɪt.

Yet another reason shirts exist.

jɛt əˈnəðər ˈrizən ʃərts ɪgˈzɪst.

Shut up, it's not funny. I burnt my nipple.

ʃət əp, ɪts nɑt ˈfəni. aɪ bərnt maɪ ˈnɪpəl.

I wish I was that ice cube. Mm? I will be bidding for a night with you.

aɪ wɪʃ aɪ wɑz ðət aɪs kjub. mm? aɪ wɪl bi ˈbɪdɪŋ fər ə naɪt wɪθ ju.

Oh. Thanks, love. Yeah, it's just a date though. It's not a whole night.

oʊ. θæŋks, ləv. jæ, ɪts ʤɪst ə deɪt ðoʊ. ɪts nɑt ə hoʊl naɪt.

We'll see.

wɪl si.

Fuck you and fuck this table!

fək ju ənd fək ðɪs ˈteɪbəl!

Jamie, it was a joke. It was a joke. Jamie.

ˈʤeɪmi, ɪt wɑz ə ʤoʊk. ɪt wɑz ə ʤoʊk. ˈʤeɪmi.

What happened now?

wət ˈhæpənd naʊ?

Just the usual. Jamie being a little bitch prima donna.

ʤɪst ðə ˈjuʒəwəl. ˈʤeɪmi biɪŋ ə ˈlɪtəl bɪʧ ˈprimə ˈdɑnə.

Roy, let me ask you something. What were you like when you were 23? Playing in this league, making all that money.

rɔɪ, lɛt mi æsk ju ˈsəmθɪŋ. wət wər ju laɪk wɪn ju wər 23 pleɪɪŋ ɪn ðɪs lig, ˈmeɪkɪŋ ɔl ðət ˈməni.

A little bitch prima donna.

ə ˈlɪtəl bɪʧ ˈprimə ˈdɑnə.

Yeah. You know how they say that "youth is wasted on the young"? Well, I say don't let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.

jæ. ju noʊ haʊ ðeɪ seɪ ðət "juθ ɪz ˈweɪstɪd ɔn ðə jəŋ"? wɛl, aɪ seɪ doʊnt lɛt ðə ˈwɪzdəm əv eɪʤ bi ˈweɪstɪd ɔn ju.

Ted?

tɛd?

I just came up with that. I feel pretty good about it.

aɪ ʤɪst keɪm əp wɪθ ðət. aɪ fil ˈprɪti gʊd əˈbaʊt ɪt.

I just wanted to say thanks for talking to Colin and Isaac.

aɪ ʤɪst ˈwɔntɪd tɪ seɪ θæŋks fər ˈtɔkɪŋ tɪ ˈkoʊlɪn ənd ˈaɪzɪk.

Why is your face so close to mine?

waɪ ɪz jʊr feɪs soʊ kloʊz tɪ maɪn?

Well, my initial plan was to hug you, but I just chickened out just now.

wɛl, maɪ ˌɪˈnɪʃəl plæn wɑz tɪ həg ju, bət aɪ ʤɪst ˈʧɪkənd aʊt ʤɪst naʊ.

Right. Okay, we're done.

raɪt. ˌoʊˈkeɪ, wɪr dən.

When I was coming up, there was this old geezer at the club, Doug Stashwick. He was always on me. We hated each other. - You want to know how we won the league?

wɪn aɪ wɑz ˈkəmɪŋ əp, ðɛr wɑz ðɪs oʊld geezer æt ðə kləb, dəg stashwick. hi wɑz ˈɔlˌweɪz ɔn mi. wi ˈheɪtɪd iʧ ˈəðər. ju wɔnt tɪ noʊ haʊ wi wən ðə lig?

No.

noʊ.

It was the same shit Yankee Doodle was peddling. He sat me down and he said, "Let's get it all out there. You tell me why I'm a prick, and I'll tell you why you are."

ɪt wɑz ðə seɪm ʃɪt ˈjæŋki ˈdudəl wɑz ˈpɛdəlɪŋ. hi sæt mi daʊn ənd hi sɛd, "lɛts gɪt ɪt ɔl aʊt ðɛr. ju tɛl mi waɪ əm ə prɪk, ənd aɪl tɛl ju waɪ ju ər."

You're a nasty bastard...

jʊr ə ˈnæsti ˈbæstərd...

No, I'm going first. Even though I know I should pass to you, you're so selfish and arrogant. Every time I do, it makes me want to fucking puke.

noʊ, əm goʊɪŋ fərst. ˈivɪn ðoʊ aɪ noʊ aɪ ʃʊd pæs tɪ ju, jʊr soʊ ˈsɛlfɪʃ ənd ˈɛrəgənt. ˈɛvəri taɪm aɪ du, ɪt meɪks mi wɔnt tɪ ˈfəkɪŋ pjuk.

You know, I had a poster of you on my wall when I was a kid. I used to love watching you play. But you're not the player that you used to be. And just because you won a few trophies, you walk around here expecting everyone to kiss your ring.

ju noʊ, aɪ hæd ə ˈpoʊstər əv ju ɔn maɪ wɔl wɪn aɪ wɑz ə kɪd. aɪ juzd tɪ ləv ˈwɑʧɪŋ ju pleɪ. bət jʊr nɑt ðə pleɪər ðət ju juzd tɪ bi. ənd ʤɪst bɪˈkəz ju wən ə fju ˈtroʊfiz, ju wɔk əraʊnd hir ɪkˈspɛktɪŋ ˈɛvriˌwən tɪ kɪs jʊr rɪŋ.

Yeah, I can be like that. Now's the bit where you admit to what I said.

jæ, aɪ kən bi laɪk ðət. naʊz ðə bɪt wɛr ju ədˈmɪt tɪ wət aɪ sɛd.

I don't want to. Even if it is just a little bit true.

aɪ doʊnt wɔnt tɪ. ˈivɪn ɪf ɪt ɪz ʤɪst ə ˈlɪtəl bɪt tru.

You and that Doug bloke, you ever become friends?

ju ənd ðət dəg bloʊk, ju ˈɛvər bɪˈkəm frɛndz?

Fuck no. I hope he's dead.

fək noʊ. aɪ hoʊp hiz dɛd.

To you dying.

tɪ ju daɪɪŋ.

Such a prick.

səʧ ə prɪk.