Теория большого взрыва: Подарки на День святого Валентина

Hey, you coming to lunch?

heɪ, ju ˈkəmɪŋ tɪ lənʧ?

Yeah, one second. Come here. I want to show you something.

jæ, wən ˈsɛkənd. kəm hir. aɪ wɔnt tɪ ʃoʊ ju ˈsəmθɪŋ.

What you looking at?

wət ju ˈlʊkɪŋ æt?

Well, I was trying to come up with something really romantic to give Bernadette for Valentine’s Day since she’s been such a pain in the ass.

wɛl, aɪ wɑz traɪɪŋ tɪ kəm əp wɪθ ˈsəmθɪŋ ˈrɪli roʊˈmæntɪk tɪ gɪv bərnəˈdɛt fər valentine’s deɪ sɪns she’s bɪn səʧ ə peɪn ɪn ðə æs.

You can’t find a card that says that?

ju can’t faɪnd ə kɑrd ðət sɪz ðət?

Check it out. I used the atomic force microscope in the material science lab and wrote our initials in a heart one one-thousandth the size of a grain of sand.

ʧɛk ɪt aʊt. aɪ juzd ðə əˈtɑmɪk fɔrs ˈmaɪkrəˌskoʊp ɪn ðə məˈtɪriəl saɪəns læb ənd roʊt ɑr ˌɪˈnɪʃəlz ɪn ə hɑrt wən one-thousandth ðə saɪz əv ə greɪn əv sænd.

Oh, that’s cool.

oʊ, that’s kul.

A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.

ə micro-valentine fər ə ˌmaɪkroʊbiˈɑləʤɪst.

From her micro-husband. That is amazing. How long did this take you?

frəm hər micro-husband. ðət ɪz əˈmeɪzɪŋ. haʊ lɔŋ dɪd ðɪs teɪk ju?

Mmm, about twelve hours. I pulled an all-nighter.

mmm, əˈbaʊt twɛlv aʊərz. aɪ pʊld ən all-nighter.

Oh, wow.

oʊ, waʊ.

Yeah, I know, it really took a bite out of my video game time. What are you and Penny doing?

jæ, aɪ noʊ, ɪt ˈrɪli tʊk ə baɪt aʊt əv maɪ ˈvɪdioʊ geɪm taɪm. wət ər ju ənd ˈpɛni duɪŋ?

Oh, I’m going to take her to a nice restaurant for dinner.

oʊ, i’m goʊɪŋ tɪ teɪk hər tɪ ə nis ˈrɛˌstrɑnt fər ˈdɪnər.

Oh, that’s not bad, but as far as romance goes, I think my gift hits it right out of...

oʊ, that’s nɑt bæd, bət ɛz fɑr ɛz ˈroʊmæns goʊz, aɪ θɪŋk maɪ gɪft hɪts ɪt raɪt aʊt əv...

Want to come to dinner with us?

wɔnt tɪ kəm tɪ ˈdɪnər wɪθ ˈjuˈɛs?

Yes, please.

jɛs, pliz.

Okay. Amy will be here shortly, expecting the perfect Valentine’s gift, so, you’re up kid. Dazzle me. Go.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. ˈeɪmi wɪl bi hir ˈʃɔrtli, ɪkˈspɛktɪŋ ðə ˈpərˌfɪkt valentine’s gɪft, soʊ, you’re əp kɪd. ˈdæzəl mi. goʊ.

Okay, I think I have some really great choices. Okay. Um, I know she’s a fan of The Canterbury Tales.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, aɪ θɪŋk aɪ hæv səm ˈrɪli greɪt ˈʧɔɪsɪz. ˌoʊˈkeɪ. əm, aɪ noʊ she’s ə fæn əv ðə ˈkæntərˌbɛri teɪlz.

Mmm.

mmm.

So I found this cool map that illustrates the character’s journey through England. I thought we could put it in a really nice frame.

soʊ aɪ faʊnd ðɪs kul mæp ðət ˈɪləˌstreɪts ðə character’s ˈʤərni θru ˈɪŋglənd. aɪ θɔt wi kʊd pʊt ɪt ɪn ə ˈrɪli nis freɪm.

But she’s got Google Maps on her phone.

bət she’s gɑt ˈgugəl mæps ɔn hər foʊn.

I don’t know how to respond to that.

aɪ don’t noʊ haʊ tɪ rɪˈspɑnd tɪ ðət.

Well, I hope it’s with a third good option, because these first two, buh.

wɛl, aɪ hoʊp it’s wɪθ ə θərd gʊd ˈɔpʃən, bɪˈkəz ðiz fərst tu, buh.

Okay. Well, uh, luckily, I saved the best for last. Since Amy’s a neuroscientist, I did some research and found out that Santiago Ramon y Cajal, the father of modern neuroscience, did lots of hand drawings of brain cells. And I managed to find this signed print.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. wɛl, ə, ˈləkəli, aɪ seɪvd ðə bɛst fər læst. sɪns amy’s ə nˈjʊroʊˌsaɪənɪst, aɪ dɪd səm ˈrisərʧ ənd faʊnd aʊt ðət ˌsæntiˈɑgoʊ rəˈmoʊn waɪ cajal, ðə ˈfɑðər əv ˈmɑdərn nˈjʊroʊˌsaɪəns, dɪd lɑts əv hænd drɔɪŋz əv breɪn sɛlz. ənd aɪ ˈmænɪʤd tɪ faɪnd ðɪs saɪnd prɪnt.

Wow. Oh, this is truly remarkable.

waʊ. oʊ, ðɪs ɪz ˈtruli rɪˈmɑrkəbəl.

Thank you.

θæŋk ju.

I think I’ll keep it for myself.

aɪ θɪŋk i’ll kip ɪt fər ˌmaɪˈsɛlf.

What about your girlfriend?

wət əˈbaʊt jʊr ˈgərlˌfrɛnd?

It’s too late. I call dibs.

it’s tu leɪt. aɪ kɔl dɪbz.

Hello.

hɛˈloʊ.

Hello.

hɛˈloʊ.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

ˈhæpi valentine’s deɪ.

Okay. Shall we go to dinner?

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. ʃæl wi goʊ tɪ ˈdɪnər?

Hang on. As you know, I had planned a traditional evening of romance and gifts.

hæŋ ɔn. ɛz ju noʊ, aɪ hæd plænd ə trəˈdɪʃənəl ˈivnɪŋ əv ˈroʊmæns ənd gɪfts.

Yes, and as you know, I planned to pretend to enjoy it. I’ve been working on this facial expression all day.

jɛs, ənd ɛz ju noʊ, aɪ plænd tɪ priˈtɛnd tɪ ˌɛnˈʤɔɪ ɪt. i’ve bɪn ˈwərkɪŋ ɔn ðɪs ˈfeɪʃəl ɪkˈsprɛʃən ɔl deɪ.

And I appreciate your effort, but upon contemplation, I decided I was being selfish. So, I cancelled our dinner reservations and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

ənd aɪ əˈpriʃiˌeɪt jʊr ˈɛfərt, bət əˈpɑn ˌkɑntəmˈpleɪʃən, aɪ ˌdɪˈsaɪdɪd aɪ wɑz biɪŋ ˈsɛlfɪʃ. soʊ, aɪ ˈkænsəld ɑr ˈdɪnər ˌrɛzərˈveɪʃənz ənd keɪm əp wɪθ ən ˈivɪn ˈbɛtər weɪ tɪ ˈsɛləˌbreɪt valentine’s deɪ.

What is that?

wət ɪz ðət?

By doing none of it. No dinner, no romance, no gifts. We stay here, order a pizza and watch one of your beloved Star War Trek things.

baɪ duɪŋ nən əv ɪt. noʊ ˈdɪnər, noʊ ˈroʊmæns, noʊ gɪfts. wi steɪ hir, ˈɔrdər ə ˈpitsə ənd wɔʧ wən əv jʊr bɪˈləvəd stɑr wɔr trɛk θɪŋz.

Really?

ˈrɪli?

Well, that’s what you’d love, isn’t it?

wɛl, that’s wət you’d ləv, isn’t ɪt?

More than anything.

mɔr ðən ˈɛniˌθɪŋ.

Well, then, that’s what we’re going to do.

wɛl, ðɛn, that’s wət we’re goʊɪŋ tɪ du.

Well, I don’t know what to say. This is the most thoughtful gift that anyone’s ever given me. And that’s including an amazing gift that I gave myself earlier today.

wɛl, aɪ don’t noʊ wət tɪ seɪ. ðɪs ɪz ðə moʊst ˈθɔtfəl gɪft ðət anyone’s ˈɛvər ˈgɪvɪn mi. ənd that’s ˌɪnˈkludɪŋ ən əˈmeɪzɪŋ gɪft ðət aɪ geɪv ˌmaɪˈsɛlf ˈərliər təˈdeɪ.

I’m your girlfriend. That’s my job. And I know gift-giving puts a lot of pressure on you, so whatever you got me, you can return.

i’m jʊr ˈgərlˌfrɛnd. that’s maɪ ʤɑb. ənd aɪ noʊ gift-giving pʊts ə lɔt əv ˈprɛʃər ɔn ju, soʊ ˌwəˈtɛvər ju gɑt mi, ju kən rɪˈtərn.

No. No, after everything you didn’t do for me tonight, I want you to have it.

noʊ. noʊ, ˈæftər ˈɛvriˌθɪŋ ju didn’t du fər mi təˈnaɪt, aɪ wɔnt ju tɪ hæv ɪt.

What’s this?

what’s ðɪs?

Read it.

rɛd ɪt.

Sheldon Cooper, Caltech University employee information?

ˈʃɛldən ˈkupər, caltech ˌjunəˈvərsəti ɪmˈplɔɪi ˌɪnˌfɔrˈmeɪʃən?

At the bottom.

æt ðə ˈbɑtəm.

In case of emergency, please contact… Amy Farrah Fowler. And there’s my phone number. This is the most beautiful gift you could’ve ever given me.

ɪn keɪs əv ˈimərʤənsi, pliz contact…… ˈeɪmi ˈfɛrə ˈfaʊlər. ənd there’s maɪ foʊn ˈnəmbər. ðɪs ɪz ðə moʊst ˈbjutəfəl gɪft ju could’ve ˈɛvər ˈgɪvɪn mi.

Oh, Sheldon.

oʊ, ˈʃɛldən.

Yeah. Okay. Stop ruining Valentine’s Day and order my pizza.

jæ. ˌoʊˈkeɪ. stɑp ˈruɪnɪŋ valentine’s deɪ ənd ˈɔrdər maɪ ˈpitsə.