Теория большого взрыва: Рождественский подарок Пенни

Okay, well, thank you for that, but I got you and Leonard a few silly neighbour gifts, so I’ll just put them under my tree.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, wɛl, θæŋk ju fər ðət, bət aɪ gɑt ju ənd ˈlɛnərd ə fju ˈsɪli ˈneɪbər gɪfts, soʊ i’ll ʤɪst pʊt ðɛm ˈəndər maɪ tri.

Wait! You bought me a present?

weɪt! ju bɔt mi ə ˈprɛzənt?

Uh-huh.

ˈəˈhə.

Why would you do such a thing?

waɪ wʊd ju du səʧ ə θɪŋ?

I don’t know. Because it's Christmas?

aɪ don’t noʊ. bɪˈkəz ɪts ˈkrɪsməs?

Oh, Penny. I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift; you've given me an obligation.

oʊ, ˈpɛni. aɪ noʊ ju θɪŋk jʊr biɪŋ ˈʤɛnərəs, bət ðə faʊnˈdeɪʃən əv gift-giving ɪz ˌrɛsɪˈprɑsɪti. ju ˈhævənt ˈgɪvɪn mi ə gɪft; juv ˈgɪvɪn mi ən ˌɑbləˈgeɪʃən.

Now, honey, it's okay. You don't have to get me anything in return.

naʊ, ˈhəni, ɪts ˌoʊˈkeɪ. ju doʊnt hæv tɪ gɪt mi ˈɛniˌθɪŋ ɪn rɪˈtərn.

Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of

əv kɔrs aɪ du. ðə ˈɛsəns əv ðə ˈkəstəm ɪz ðət aɪ naʊ hæv tɪ goʊ aʊt ənd ˈpərʧəs fər ju ə gɪft əv kəˈmɛnsərɪt ˈvælju ənd ˌrɛprɪˈzɛnɪŋ ðə seɪm pərˈsivd ˈlɛvəl əv

friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me.

ˈfrɛndʃɪp ɛz ðət ˌrɛprɪˈzɛnɪd baɪ ðə gɪft juv ˈgɪvɪn mi.

Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, ju noʊ wət? fərˈgɛt ɪt. əm nɑt ˈgɪvɪŋ ju ə ˈprɛzənt.

No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says to Sheldon.

noʊ, ɪts tu leɪt. aɪ si ɪt. ðət ɛlf ˈstɪkər sɪz tɪ ˈʃɛldən.

I don't see anything in here a woman would want.

aɪ doʊnt si ˈɛniˌθɪŋ ɪn hir ə ˈwʊmən wʊd wɔnt.

Sheldon, if you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear.

ˈʃɛldən, ɪf ju doʊnt laɪk ðɪs stəf, lɛts ʤɪst goʊ nɛkst dɔr ənd bɪld hər ə bɛr.

I told you before, bears are terrifying.

aɪ toʊld ju ˌbiˈfɔr, bɛrz ər ˈtɛrəˌfaɪɪŋ.

Come on, bath stuff, it's perfect! You got a scented candle, a cleansing buff, spearmint and green tea scented bath oil, promotes relaxation.

kəm ɔn, bæθ stəf, ɪts ˈpərˌfɪkt! ju gɑt ə ˈsɛntɪd ˈkændəl, ə ˈklɛnzɪŋ bəf, spearmint ənd grin ti ˈsɛntɪd bæθ ɔɪl, prəˈmoʊts ˌrilækˈseɪʃən.

That presupposes Penny is tense.

ðət ˌprisəˈpoʊzɪz ˈpɛni ɪz tɛns.

She knows you. She's tense. We all are. Buy a basket!

ʃi noʊz ju. ʃiz tɛns. wi ɔl ər. baɪ ə ˈbæskət!

Excuse me, we're ready.

ɪkˈskjuz mi, wɪr ˈrɛdi.

No, we're not. Let's say for a moment that I accept the bath item gift hypothesis, I now lay the following conundrum at your feet.. Which size?

noʊ, wɪr nɑt. lɛts seɪ fər ə ˈmoʊmənt ðət aɪ əkˈsɛpt ðə bæθ ˈaɪtəm gɪft haɪˈpɑθəsəs, aɪ naʊ leɪ ðə ˈfɑloʊɪŋ kəˈnəndrəm æt jʊr fit.. wɪʧ saɪz?

This one. Let's go.

ðɪs wən. lɛts goʊ.

You put no thought into that.

ju pʊt noʊ θɔt ˈɪntu ðət.

I'm sorry. Uh, this one. Let's go!

əm ˈsɑri. ə, ðɪs wən. lɛts goʊ!

I have insufficient data to proceed. Excuse me, miss?

aɪ hæv ˌɪnsəˈfɪʃənt ˈdætə tɪ pərˈsid. ɪkˈskjuz mi, mɪs?

Yes?

jɛs?

If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.

ɪf aɪ wər tɪ gɪv ju ðɪs gɪft ˈbæskət, beɪst ɔn ðət ˈækʃən əˈloʊn ənd noʊ ˈəðər ˈdætə, ˌɪnˈfər ənd dɪˈskraɪb ðə ˌhaɪpəˈθɛtɪkəl riˈleɪʃənˌʃɪp ðət ɪgˈzɪsts bɪtˈwin ˈjuˈɛs.

Excuse me?

ɪkˈskjuz mi?

Here. Now, are we friends? Colleagues? Lovers? Are you my grandmother?

hir. naʊ, ər wi frɛndz? ˈkɑligz? ˈləvərz? ər ju maɪ ˈgrændˌməðər?

Mmm, great news, Leonard, I've solved my Penny gift dilemma.

mmm, greɪt nuz, ˈlɛnərd, aɪv sɑlvd maɪ ˈpɛni gɪft dɪˈlɛmə.

Yippee.

ˌjɪˈpi.

You see, the danger was that I might under or over-reciprocate, but I have devised a foolproof plan. See, I will open her gift to me first and then excuse myself,

ju si, ðə ˈdeɪnʤər wɑz ðət aɪ maɪt ˈəndər ər over-reciprocate, bət aɪ hæv dɪˈvaɪzd ə ˈfulˌpruf plæn. si, aɪ wɪl ˈoʊpən hər gɪft tɪ mi fərst ənd ðɛn ɪkˈskjuz ˌmaɪˈsɛlf,

feigning digestive distress. Then I'll look up the price of her gift online, choose the basket closest to that value, give it to her and then I'll return the others for a

ˈfeɪnɪŋ daɪˈʤɛstɪv dɪˈstrɛs. ðɛn aɪl lʊk əp ðə praɪs əv hər gɪft ˈɔnˌlaɪn, ʧuz ðə ˈbæskət ˈkloʊsəst tɪ ðət ˈvælju, gɪv ɪt tɪ hər ənd ðɛn aɪl rɪˈtərn ðə ˈəðərz fər ə

full refund.

fʊl ˈriˌfənd.

Brilliant.

ˈbrɪljənt.

It is, isn't it?

ɪt ɪz, ˈɪzənt ɪt?

Merry Christmas.

ˈmɛri ˈkrɪsməs.

How's your leg?

haʊz jʊr lɛg?

Very good, thanks for asking. Come on in.

ˈvɛri gʊd, θæŋks fər ˈæskɪŋ. kəm ɔn ɪn.

Ah, good, Penny, you're here to exchange gifts. You'll be pleased to know I'm prepared for whatever you have to offer.

ɑ, gʊd, ˈpɛni, jʊr hir tɪ ɪksˈʧeɪnʤ gɪfts. jul bi plizd tɪ noʊ əm priˈpɛrd fər ˌwəˈtɛvər ju hæv tɪ ˈɔfər.

Okay, here.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ, hir.

Oh, a napkin.

oʊ, ə ˈnæpkɪn.

Turn it over.

tərn ɪt ˈoʊvər.

To Sheldon, live long and prosper. Leonard Nimoy.

tɪ ˈʃɛldən, lɪv lɔŋ ənd ˈprɑspər. ˈlɛnərd ˈniˌmɔɪ.

Yeah, he came into the restaurant. Sorry the napkin's dirty. He wiped his mouth with it.

jæ, hi keɪm ˈɪntu ðə ˈrɛˌstrɑnt. ˈsɑri ðə napkin's ˈdərti. hi waɪpt hɪz maʊθ wɪθ ɪt.

I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?!

aɪ pəˈzɛs ðə ˈdiˌɛˈneɪ əv ˈlɛnərd ˈniˌmɔɪ?!

Well, yeah, yeah, I guess. But look, he signed it.

wɛl, jæ, jæ, aɪ gɛs. bət lʊk, hi saɪnd ɪt.

Be right back.

bi raɪt bæk.

Sheldon! What did you do?!

ˈʃɛldən! wət dɪd ju du?!

I know! It's not enough, is it? Here.

aɪ noʊ! ɪts nɑt ɪˈnəf, ɪz ɪt? hir.