Офис: Тренинг чуткости Майкла

The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action that they have done that they

ðə moʊst ˌfəndəˈmɛnəl θɪŋ əˈbaʊt ˌsɛnsɪˈtɪvɪti ˈtreɪnɪŋ ɪz ðət ju ˈkænɑt meɪk fən əv ə ˈpərsən fər ˈsəmθɪŋ ər səm ˈækʃən ðət ðeɪ hæv dən ðət ðeɪ

regret. You can only make fun of things that they have control over. Like Oscar is gay. That is his choice. We can make fun of that. I did not choose to fall into a Koi pond.

rɪˈgrɛt. ju kən ˈoʊnli meɪk fən əv θɪŋz ðət ðeɪ hæv kənˈtroʊl ˈoʊvər. laɪk ˈɔskər ɪz geɪ. ðət ɪz hɪz ʧɔɪs. wi kən meɪk fən əv ðət. aɪ dɪd nɑt ʧuz tɪ fɔl ˈɪntu ə koi pɑnd.

Michael you still can't make fun of people for race or gender or sexual orientation or religion.

ˈmaɪkəl ju stɪl kænt meɪk fən əv ˈpipəl fər reɪs ər ˈʤɛndər ər ˈsɛkʃuəl ˌɔriɛnˈteɪʃən ər rɪˈlɪʤən.

Who let the lemonhead into the room? You are a waste of life and you should give up ... is what I want to say but I won't because that is why we are doing this right now.

hu lɛt ðə lemonhead ˈɪntu ðə rum? ju ər ə weɪst əv laɪf ənd ju ʃʊd gɪv əp ɪz wət aɪ wɔnt tɪ seɪ bət aɪ woʊnt bɪˈkəz ðət ɪz waɪ wi ər duɪŋ ðɪs raɪt naʊ.

So Toby welcome to sensitivity training for real.

soʊ ˈtoʊbi ˈwɛlkəm tɪ ˌsɛnsɪˈtɪvɪti ˈtreɪnɪŋ fər ril.

Show of hands, who has been Koi ponded? Who here has been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis.

ʃoʊ əv hænz, hu həz bɪn koi ponded? hu hir həz bɪn ðə bət əv ə ʤoʊk ðət həz gɔn tu fɑr? ˈfɪlɪs.

Michael you make fun of us every day.

ˈmaɪkəl ju meɪk fən əv ˈjuˈɛs ˈɛvəri deɪ.

Yeah – every single day.

jæ – ˈɛvəri ˈsɪŋgəl deɪ.

You never said anything.

ju ˈnɛvər sɛd ˈɛniˌθɪŋ.

We have. Countless times.

wi hæv. ˈkaʊntləs taɪmz.

Well it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying “Stop – because I want you to stop.” Or “Stop – as in – stop - you're making me laugh so hard – what you're doing is

wɛl ɪt ɪz hɑrd tɪ tɛl ðə ˈdɪfərəns bɪtˈwin ju gaɪz seɪɪŋ ““stop – bɪˈkəz aɪ wɔnt ju tɪ stop.”.” ər ““stop – ɛz ɪn – stɑp jʊr ˈmeɪkɪŋ mi læf soʊ hɑrd – wət jʊr duɪŋ ɪz

so funny, you are on a roll. I am busting a gut – stop.”

soʊ ˈfəni, ju ər ɔn ə roʊl. aɪ æm ˈbəstɪŋ ə gət – stop.”.”

That has never been the case.

ðət həz ˈnɛvər bɪn ðə keɪs.

We are going to make a “do not mock list.”

wi ər goʊɪŋ tɪ meɪk ə ““do nɑt mɑk list.”.”

Anything that we think might be out of bounds – we put on this list. Anything we put on this list – you cannot be teased about. Got it?

ˈɛniˌθɪŋ ðət wi θɪŋk maɪt bi aʊt əv baʊndz – wi pʊt ɔn ðɪs lɪst. ˈɛniˌθɪŋ wi pʊt ɔn ðɪs lɪst – ju ˈkænɑt bi tizd əˈbaʊt. gɑt ɪt?

I'm going to kick it off. Let's see what I'm going to put on the list…..right? Okay.

əm goʊɪŋ tɪ kɪk ɪt ɔf. lɛts si wət əm goʊɪŋ tɪ pʊt ɔn ðə list…..right? ˌoʊˈkeɪ.

I also have fallen into the fountain at the Steam Town Mall.

aɪ ˈɔlsoʊ hæv ˈfɑlən ˈɪntu ðə ˈfaʊntən æt ðə stim taʊn mɔl.

You fell into a second fountain? Can you kick me out of the meeting now?

ju fɛl ˈɪntu ə ˈsɛkənd ˈfaʊntən? kən ju kɪk mi aʊt əv ðə ˈmitɪŋ naʊ?

Go. Go.

goʊ. goʊ.

Starting today, teasing will no longer be tolerated.

ˈstɑrtɪŋ təˈdeɪ, ˈtizɪŋ wɪl noʊ ˈlɔŋgər bi ˈtɑlərˌeɪtəd.

You mean there's no teasing of any kind?

ju min ðɛrz noʊ ˈtizɪŋ əv ˈɛni kaɪnd?

No no no no – just things that are on the list. That is the beauty of it. Okay. Who else? Who else? Dwight? Come on.

noʊ noʊ noʊ noʊ – ʤɪst θɪŋz ðət ər ɔn ðə lɪst. ðət ɪz ðə ˈbjuti əv ɪt. ˌoʊˈkeɪ. hu ɛls? hu ɛls? dwaɪt? kəm ɔn.

I don't want people making fun of my nose.

aɪ doʊnt wɔnt ˈpipəl ˈmeɪkɪŋ fən əv maɪ noʊz.

Your nose?

jʊr noʊz?

It's too small.

ɪts tu smɔl.

The geometric proportions of my face are perfect in every way but one. My nose is too small. I mean it still works – I can smell things….I just…have to be a lot closer to things than most people.

ðə ˌʤiəˈmɛtrɪk prəˈpɔrʃənz əv maɪ feɪs ər ˈpərˌfɪkt ɪn ˈɛvəri weɪ bət wən. maɪ noʊz ɪz tu smɔl. aɪ min ɪt stɪl wərks – aɪ kən smɛl things….i just…have tɪ bi ə lɔt ˈkloʊzər tɪ θɪŋz ðən moʊst ˈpipəl.

Oh my that is small.

oʊ maɪ ðət ɪz smɔl.

Just write it down please.

ʤɪst raɪt ɪt daʊn pliz.

Can you breathe okay?

kən ju brið ˌoʊˈkeɪ?

What keeps your glasses on?

wət kips jʊr ˈglæsɪz ɔn?

Hey, it's on the list everybody.

heɪ, ɪts ɔn ðə lɪst ˈɛvriˌbɑdi.

No I haven't finished writing. Did you sneeze it off? That's it. No more.

noʊ aɪ ˈhævənt ˈfɪnɪʃt ˈraɪtɪŋ. dɪd ju sniz ɪt ɔf? ðæts ɪt. noʊ mɔr.

Okay. Who else? Who else? Everybody gets their chance.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. hu ɛls? hu ɛls? ˈɛvriˌbɑdi gɪts ðɛr ʧæns.

I don't want people making fun of my weight.

aɪ doʊnt wɔnt ˈpipəl ˈmeɪkɪŋ fən əv maɪ weɪt.

Okay. That's too broad. It's got to be something else. How about your stomach?

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. ðæts tu brɔd. ɪts gɑt tɪ bi ˈsəmθɪŋ ɛls. haʊ əˈbaʊt jʊr ˈstəmək?

[writing] ‘Huge Gut'

[ˈraɪtɪŋ] ‘‘huge gət'

Who else?

hu ɛls?

I'm very sensitive about my petite figure.

əm ˈvɛri ˈsɛnsɪtɪv əˈbaʊt maɪ pəˈtit ˈfɪgjər.

Oh God.

oʊ gɑd.

I am. I'm very afraid of being thrown around like a football.

aɪ æm. əm ˈvɛri əˈfreɪd əv biɪŋ θroʊn əraʊnd laɪk ə ˈfʊtˌbɔl.

Well you know Nicole Richie might think that you are fat. Does that make you feel better?

wɛl ju noʊ nɪˈkoʊl ˈrɪʧi maɪt θɪŋk ðət ju ər fæt. dɪz ðət meɪk ju fil ˈbɛtər?

Meredith?

ˈmɛrɪdɪθ?

I don't want to say it out loud.

aɪ doʊnt wɔnt tɪ seɪ ɪt aʊt laʊd.

Okay fine. Come on up here. Write it yourself, and don't sign your name to it. And nobody look. Everybody look away. Look away.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ faɪn. kəm ɔn əp hir. raɪt ɪt ˈjɔrsɛlf, ənd doʊnt saɪn jʊr neɪm tɪ ɪt. ənd ˈnoʊˌbɑˌdi lʊk. ˈɛvriˌbɑdi lʊk əˈweɪ. lʊk əˈweɪ.

Well I didn't really want to put it on the board, but I thought maybe it was going to come out somehow. So, what are you going to do.

wɛl aɪ ˈdɪdənt ˈrɪli wɔnt tɪ pʊt ɪt ɔn ðə bɔrd, bət aɪ θɔt ˈmeɪbi ɪt wɑz goʊɪŋ tɪ kəm aʊt ˈsəmˌhaʊ. soʊ, wət ər ju goʊɪŋ tɪ du.

[writing] ‘Sex with a terrorist'

[ˈraɪtɪŋ] ‘‘sex wɪθ ə ˈtɛrərɪst'

Okay

ˌoʊˈkeɪ

Some of you may have noticed. I'm in a kind of ill-defined relationship type of thing.

səm əv ju meɪ hæv ˈnoʊtɪst. əm ɪn ə kaɪnd əv ill-defined riˈleɪʃənˌʃɪp taɪp əv θɪŋ.

What do you want me to write?

wət du ju wɔnt mi tɪ raɪt?

Just put “Kelly.”

ʤɪst pʊt ““kelly.”.”

That's still going on?

ðæts stɪl goʊɪŋ ɔn?

I will claw your tiny nose off.

aɪ wɪl klɔ jʊr ˈtaɪni noʊz ɔf.

It's on the list.

ɪts ɔn ðə lɪst.

Creed? Your turn.

krid? jʊr tərn.

If I write it down, I can't be charged with it?

ɪf aɪ raɪt ɪt daʊn, aɪ kænt bi ʧɑrʤd wɪθ ɪt?

Eh – eh –eh – No one said that.

ɛ – ɛ ––eh – noʊ wən sɛd ðət.