Тед Лассо: Пресс-конференция

So, without further ado, the new manager of AFC Richmond, Ted Lasso!

soʊ, wɪˈθaʊt ˈfərðər əˈdu, ðə nu ˈmænɪʤər əv afc ˈrɪʧmənd, tɛd ˈlæsoʊ!

Okay. All right. How y'all doing? One sec. Let me just... throat got a little dry. (I) Did not expect fizzy water there. Sorry.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. ɔl raɪt. haʊ jɔl duɪŋ? wən sɛk. lɛt mi ʤɪst... θroʊt gɑt ə ˈlɪtəl draɪ. (aɪ) dɪd nɑt ɪkˈspɛkt fizzy ˈwɔtər ðɛr. ˈsɑri.

Okay. So, hey. Why don't we just jump right in? Anybody got any questions?

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. soʊ, heɪ. waɪ doʊnt wi ʤɪst ʤəmp raɪt ɪn? ˈɛnibədi gɑt ˈɛni kˈwɛsʧənz?

Oh, yeah, no. Should've saw that coming. You know what? You can put your hands down. Real quick. How about I go

oʊ, jæ, noʊ. ˈʃʊdəv sɔ ðət ˈkəmɪŋ. ju noʊ wət? ju kən pʊt jʊr hænz daʊn. ril kwɪk. haʊ əˈbaʊt aɪ goʊ

ahead and address the larger-than-average elephant in the room. No, I have never coached the sport that you folks call football

əˈhɛd ənd ˈæˌdrɛs ðə larger-than-average ˈɛləfənt ɪn ðə rum. noʊ, aɪ hæv ˈnɛvər koʊʧt ðə spɔrt ðət ju foʊks kɔl ˈfʊtˌbɔl

at any level.

æt ˈɛni ˈlɛvəl.

Jesus.

ˈʤizəs.

And heck, you could fill two Internets with what I don't know about football. But I'll tell you what I do know. I know

ənd hɛk, ju kʊd fɪl tu internets wɪθ wət aɪ doʊnt noʊ əˈbaʊt ˈfʊtˌbɔl. bət aɪl tɛl ju wət aɪ du noʊ. aɪ noʊ

that AFC Richmond, like any team I've ever coached, is going to go out there and give you everything they got for all

ðət afc ˈrɪʧmənd, laɪk ˈɛni tim aɪv ˈɛvər koʊʧt, ɪz goʊɪŋ tɪ goʊ aʊt ðɛr ənd gɪv ju ˈɛvriˌθɪŋ ðeɪ gɑt fər ɔl

four quarters.

fɔr kˈwɔrtərz.

Halves.

hævz.

What was that?

wət wɑz ðət?

Two halves.

tu hævz.

Oh right. Sorry. Halves, yeah. They're going to give you everything they got for two halves, win or lose.

oʊ raɪt. ˈsɑri. hævz, jæ. ðɛr goʊɪŋ tɪ gɪv ju ˈɛvriˌθɪŋ ðeɪ gɑt fər tu hævz, wɪn ər luz.

Or tie.

ər taɪ.

Right. Y'all do ties here. Sorry, that's going to take some getting used to for me. Because back where I'm from, you try to end a

raɪt. jɔl du taɪz hir. ˈsɑri, ðæts goʊɪŋ tɪ teɪk səm ˈgɪtɪŋ juzd tɪ fər mi. bɪˈkəz bæk wɛr əm frəm, ju traɪ tɪ ɛnd ə

game in a tie, well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.

geɪm ɪn ə taɪ, wɛl, ðət maɪt ɛz wɛl bi ðə fərst saɪn əv ðə əˈpɑkəˌlɪps.

One final question.

wən ˈfaɪnəl kˈwɛʃən.

How about the fellow right there in the second row. Yeah. I like your glasses.

haʊ əˈbaʊt ðə ˈfɛloʊ raɪt ðɛr ɪn ðə ˈsɛkənd roʊ. jæ. aɪ laɪk jʊr ˈglæsɪz.

Thank you. Trent Crimm, The Independent. I just want to make sure I have this right. You're an American who has never set foot in England,

θæŋk ju. trɛnt krɪm, ðə ˌɪndɪˈpɛndənt. aɪ ʤɪst wɔnt tɪ meɪk ʃʊr aɪ hæv ðɪs raɪt. jʊr ən əˈmɛrɪkən hu həz ˈnɛvər sɛt fʊt ɪn ˈɪŋglənd,

whose athletic success has only come at the amateur level, a second-tier one at that. And is now being charged with the leadership of a

huz æθˈlɛtɪk səkˈsɛs həz ˈoʊnli kəm æt ðə ˈæməˌʧər ˈlɛvəl, ə second-tier wən æt ðət. ənd ɪz naʊ biɪŋ ʧɑrʤd wɪθ ðə ˈlidərˌʃɪp əv ə

Premier League football club despite clearly possessing very little knowledge of the game.

prɛˈmɪr lig ˈfʊtˌbɔl kləb dɪˈspaɪt ˈklɪrli pəˈzɛsɪŋ ˈvɛri ˈlɪtəl ˈnɑlɪʤ əv ðə geɪm.

You got a question in there, Trent?

ju gɑt ə kˈwɛʃən ɪn ðɛr, trɛnt?

Yeah. Is this a fucking joke?

jæ. ɪz ðɪs ə ˈfəkɪŋ ʤoʊk?

Can you even name any footballers?

kən ju ˈivɪn neɪm ˈɛni footballers?

Yeah. You got Ronaldo, and the fellow that bends it like himself.

jæ. ju gɑt ronaldo, ənd ðə ˈfɛloʊ ðət bɛndz ɪt laɪk hɪmˈsɛlf.

Fucking hell!

ˈfəkɪŋ hɛl!

Coach Lasso. Good Lord, you must forgive my fellow countrymen. Somewhere over the last few years, we seem to have abandoned

koʊʧ ˈlæsoʊ. gʊd lɔrd, ju məst fərˈgɪv maɪ ˈfɛloʊ ˈkəntrimɪn. ˈsəmˌwɛr ˈoʊvər ðə læst fju jɪrz, wi sim tɪ hæv əˈbændənd

all sense of manners and hospitality. My, my, aren't you a salty bunch? But I can't remember the last time the press room was this full.

ɔl sɛns əv ˈmænərz ənd ˌhɑspəˈtæləti. maɪ, maɪ, ˈɑrənt ju ə ˈsɔlti bənʧ? bət aɪ kænt rɪˈmɛmbər ðə læst taɪm ðə prɛs rum wɑz ðɪs fʊl.

Yet, here you all are. Maybe you're not such a mad notion after all.

jɛt, hir ju ɔl ər. ˈmeɪbi jʊr nɑt səʧ ə mæd ˈnoʊʃən ˈæftər ɔl.

And despite the number of you here, there is not a single person in this room who has seen Richmond play more than I have. And in all those

ənd dɪˈspaɪt ðə ˈnəmbər əv ju hir, ðɛr ɪz nɑt ə ˈsɪŋgəl ˈpərsən ɪn ðɪs rum hu həz sin ˈrɪʧmənd pleɪ mɔr ðən aɪ hæv. ənd ɪn ɔl ðoʊz

years under the stewardship of the previous owner, I've witnessed nothing but profound mediocrity. Am I wrong?

jɪrz ˈəndər ðə ˈstuərdˌʃɪp əv ðə ˈpriviəs ˈoʊnər, aɪv ˈwɪtnəst ˈnəθɪŋ bət proʊˈfaʊnd ˌmidiˈɑkrəti. æm aɪ rɔŋ?

Well, that's a bit harsh.

wɛl, ðæts ə bɪt hɑrʃ.

Am I wrong?

æm aɪ rɔŋ?

No.

noʊ.

Now, Coach Lasso may not have the CV that you all find acceptable, but he does have one thing this club doesn't: a trophy from this millennium.

naʊ, koʊʧ ˈlæsoʊ meɪ nɑt hæv ðə cv ðət ju ɔl faɪnd əkˈsɛptəbəl, bət hi dɪz hæv wən θɪŋ ðɪs kləb ˈdəzənt: ə ˈtroʊfi frəm ðɪs məˈlɛniəm.

So, like it or not, Richmond are changing the way we do things. And from now on, that way is the "Lasso way." We look forward to seeing you all at

soʊ, laɪk ɪt ər nɑt, ˈrɪʧmənd ər ˈʧeɪnʤɪŋ ðə weɪ wi du θɪŋz. ənd frəm naʊ ɔn, ðət weɪ ɪz ðə "ˈlæsoʊ weɪ." wi lʊk ˈfɔrwərd tɪ siɪŋ ju ɔl æt

our next match with Crystal Palace. Thank you so much.

ɑr nɛkst mæʧ wɪθ ˈkrɪstəl ˈpæləs. θæŋk ju soʊ məʧ.

Nice meeting y'all. And sorry for spitting on all your stuff up here.

nis ˈmitɪŋ jɔl. ənd ˈsɑri fər ˈspɪtɪŋ ɔn ɔl jʊr stəf əp hir.

Thank you.

θæŋk ju.