Тед Лассо: Руперт врывается на аукцион

Good evening, and welcome to the Tenth Annual Benefit for Underprivileged Children. If I could hug each of you as a thank you for your kind donations, well... I probably wouldn't because, as we all know, I'm not much of a hugger.

gʊd ˈivnɪŋ, ənd ˈwɛlkəm tɪ ðə tɛnθ ˈænjuəl ˈbɛnəfɪt fər underprivileged ˈʧɪldrən. ɪf aɪ kʊd həg iʧ əv ju ɛz ə θæŋk ju fər jʊr kaɪnd doʊˈneɪʃənz, wɛl... aɪ ˈprɑbəˌbli ˈwʊdənt bɪˈkəz, ɛz wi ɔl noʊ, əm nɑt məʧ əv ə ˈhəgər.

Now, I do hope you've all brought your checkbooks with you for our auction later. Because you can all bid on our very own Richmond players.

naʊ, aɪ du hoʊp juv ɔl brɔt jʊr ˈʧɛkˌbʊks wɪθ ju fər ɑr ˈɔkʃən ˈleɪtər. bɪˈkəz ju kən ɔl bɪd ɔn ɑr ˈvɛri oʊn ˈrɪʧmənd pleɪərz.

Same rule as always, no hanky-panky unless the player signs a waiver.

seɪm rul ɛz ˈɔlˌweɪz, noʊ hanky-panky ənˈlɛs ðə pleɪər saɪnz ə ˈweɪvər.

Rupert?

ˈrupərt?

Hello, darling.

hɛˈloʊ, ˈdɑrlɪŋ.

What a lovely surprise.

wət ə ˈləvli səˈpraɪz.

Oh. Weren't you expecting me?

oʊ. wərənt ju ɪkˈspɛktɪŋ mi?

Only because you RSVP'd no.

ˈoʊnli bɪˈkəz ju rsvp'd noʊ.

Well, one of the perks of being a wealthy good-for-nothing. Sometimes my nights just magically free up. Ooh. May I? Thank you. Gals and gents, with your help, we raised £800,000 last year.

wɛl, wən əv ðə pərks əv biɪŋ ə ˈwɛlθi good-for-nothing. ˈsəmˌtaɪmz maɪ naɪts ʤɪst ˈmæʤɪkəli fri əp. u. meɪ aɪ? θæŋk ju. gælz ənd ʤɛnts, wɪθ jʊr hɛlp, wi reɪzd £800,000 læst jɪr.

And this year, hopefully even more.

ənd ðɪs jɪr, ˈhoʊpfəli ˈivɪn mɔr.

Well, I know I'm crashing your party, but I so badly want to help. My fingers and toes are crossed that you will have me.

wɛl, aɪ noʊ əm ˈkræʃɪŋ jʊr ˈpɑrti, bət aɪ soʊ ˈbædli wɔnt tɪ hɛlp. maɪ ˈfɪŋgərz ənd toʊz ər krɔst ðət ju wɪl hæv mi.

Of course. Uh, let's get him a seat at the boring table.

əv kɔrs. ə, lɛts gɪt ɪm ə sit æt ðə ˈbɔrɪŋ ˈteɪbəl.

Oh-ho!

oh-ho!

Only joking. Table four. Rupert Mannion, everyone.

ˈoʊnli ˈʤoʊkɪŋ. ˈteɪbəl fɔr. ˈrupərt ˈmænjən, ˈɛvriˌwən.

Ted, I'd like to introduce you to Rupert Mannion.

tɛd, aɪd laɪk tɪ ˌɪntrəˈdus ju tɪ ˈrupərt ˈmænjən.

Mr. Mannion, how are you?

ˈmɪstər. ˈmænjən, haʊ ər ju?

Oh. It's Rupert, Ted. Especially for the man who's managing my club.

oʊ. ɪts ˈrupərt, tɛd. əˈspɛʃəli fər ðə mæn huz ˈmænəʤɪŋ maɪ kləb.

Used to be your club.

juzd tɪ bi jʊr kləb.

Oh, of course, of course, but it's still my club in here.

oʊ, əv kɔrs, əv kɔrs, bət ɪts stɪl maɪ kləb ɪn hir.

Not too much champagne now, dear. You have got to stay sharp for the auction.

nɑt tu məʧ ʃæmˈpeɪn naʊ, dɪr. ju hæv gɑt tɪ steɪ ʃɑrp fər ðə ˈɔkʃən.

Why don't you do the auction?

waɪ doʊnt ju du ðə ˈɔkʃən?

No, I couldn't. This is your night. We both know they'd rather see you. And besides, it's for the children.

noʊ, aɪ ˈkʊdənt. ðɪs ɪz jʊr naɪt. wi boʊθ noʊ ðeɪd ˈrəðər si ju. ənd ˌbiˈsaɪdz, ɪts fər ðə ˈʧɪldrən.

For the children. Right. If you'll excuse me, I need to speak to the other guests.

fər ðə ˈʧɪldrən. raɪt. ɪf jul ɪkˈskjuz mi, aɪ nid tɪ spik tɪ ðə ˈəðər gɛsts.

I must say, I love that dress.

aɪ məst seɪ, aɪ ləv ðət drɛs.

Oh.

oʊ.

It's very youthful. Good for you for getting back out there looking like that.

ɪts ˈvɛri ˈjuθfəl. gʊd fər ju fər ˈgɪtɪŋ bæk aʊt ðɛr ˈlʊkɪŋ laɪk ðət.

Thank you.

θæŋk ju.

Excuse me.

ɪkˈskjuz mi.

Ladies and gentlemen, slight change in plans. I have been cajoled into being your auctioneer for this evening. And our first victim is Jamie Tartt.

ˈleɪdiz ənd ˈʤɛnəlmɪn, slaɪt ʧeɪnʤ ɪn plænz. aɪ hæv bɪn kəˈʤoʊld ˈɪntu biɪŋ jʊr ˌɑkʃəˈnɪr fər ðɪs ˈivnɪŋ. ənd ɑr fərst ˈvɪktɪm ɪz ˈʤeɪmi tɑrt.

Babe, you have to win me.

beɪb, ju hæv tɪ wɪn mi.

I can't bid on my own boyfriend. I'll look pathetic.

aɪ kænt bɪd ɔn maɪ oʊn ˈbɔɪˌfrɛnd. aɪl lʊk pəˈθɛtɪk.

Babe, it's 2020. Women can do anything.

beɪb, ɪts 2020 ˈwɪmən kən du ˈɛniˌθɪŋ.

No, it's not happening. Come on, you look hot. Go up there!

noʊ, ɪts nɑt ˈhæpənɪŋ. kəm ɔn, ju lʊk hɑt. goʊ əp ðɛr!

Look at him, folks. Young, gorgeous, charming. The bastard. So, we'll start with £5,000.

lʊk æt ɪm, foʊks. jəŋ, ˈgɔrʤəs, ˈʧɑrmɪŋ. ðə ˈbæstərd. soʊ, wɪl stɑrt wɪθ £5,000

I want him, Rupert.

aɪ wɔnt ɪm, ˈrupərt.

Ooh. Five thousand from Cheryl Barnaby.

u. faɪv ˈθaʊzənd frəm ˈʃɛrəl ˈbɑrnəbi.

That concludes the auction, apart from one small surprise. I am personally donating £1 million to the cause. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. And that, I believe, gets Rebecca over her goal of 800,000. Thank you.

ðət kənˈkludz ðə ˈɔkʃən, əˈpɑrt frəm wən smɔl səˈpraɪz. aɪ æm ˈpərsənəli ˈdoʊˌneɪtɪŋ £1 ˈmɪljən tɪ ðə kɔz. θæŋk ju. θæŋk ju ˈvɛri məʧ. θæŋk ju. ənd ðət, aɪ bɪˈliv, gɪts rəˈbɛkə ˈoʊvər hər goʊl əv 800,000 θæŋk ju.

For the children, eh?

fər ðə ˈʧɪldrən, ɛ?

Oh, you're so welcome. Thank you so much.

oʊ, jʊr soʊ ˈwɛlkəm. θæŋk ju soʊ məʧ.

Thank you again for such an unbelievable donation.

θæŋk ju əˈgɛn fər səʧ ən ˌənbəˈlivəbəl doʊˈneɪʃən.

See you again next year.

si ju əˈgɛn nɛkst jɪr.

I can't wait.

aɪ kænt weɪt.

What a charmer, huh?

wət ə ˈʧɑrmər, hə?

Indeed.

ˌɪnˈdid.

Hmm. You know, you may think that you're the only one that can see who he really is, but you're not.

həm. ju noʊ, ju meɪ θɪŋk ðət jʊr ðə ˈoʊnli wən ðət kən si hu hi ˈrɪli ɪz, bət jʊr nɑt.