Южный Парк: Свидания с ChatGPT

You guys! You guys! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!

ju gaɪz! ju gaɪz! oʊ maɪ gɑʃ! oʊ maɪ gɑʃ!

What is it?

wət ɪz ɪt?

What happened, Bebe?

wət ˈhæpənd, ˈbibi?

Clyde just sent me another text.

klaɪd ʤɪst sɛnt mi əˈnəðər tɛkst.

Oh, what's this one say?

oʊ, wəts ðɪs wən seɪ?

I texted him if he thought about me all the time, and he texted back, "It certainly seems like all the time. It's hard to get someone like you out of my mind."

aɪ ˈtɛkstɪd ɪm ɪf hi θɔt əˈbaʊt mi ɔl ðə taɪm, ənd hi ˈtɛkstɪd bæk, "ɪt ˈsərtənli simz laɪk ɔl ðə taɪm. ɪts hɑrd tɪ gɪt ˈsəmˌwən laɪk ju aʊt əv maɪ maɪnd."

Doesn't he just send the best texts ever?

ˈdəzənt hi ʤɪst sɛnd ðə bɛst tɛksts ˈɛvər?

Yes, yes, he sure does.

jɛs, jɛs, hi ʃʊr dɪz.

Yesterday, I texted him, "How do you know you're in love with me?" And he said, "I know I'm in love with you because spending time with you makes me feel like I'm home, and I can't imagine life without you."

ˈjɛstərˌdeɪ, aɪ ˈtɛkstɪd ɪm, "haʊ du ju noʊ jʊr ɪn ləv wɪθ mi?" ənd hi sɛd, "aɪ noʊ əm ɪn ləv wɪθ ju bɪˈkəz ˈspɛndɪŋ taɪm wɪθ ju meɪks mi fil laɪk əm hoʊm, ənd aɪ kænt ˌɪˈmæʤən laɪf wɪˈθaʊt ju."

That's so sweet!

ðæts soʊ swit!

Clyde wrote that?

klaɪd roʊt ðət?

"OMG, Clyde! Do you really care about me that much?"

"omg, klaɪd! du ju ˈrɪli kɛr əˈbaʊt mi ðət məʧ?"

Does Stan ever talk to you like that, Wendy?

dɪz stæn ˈɛvər tɔk tɪ ju laɪk ðət, ˈwɛndi?

No. Every time I send Stan a text, he just responds with a thumbs-up emoji.

noʊ. ˈɛvəri taɪm aɪ sɛnd stæn ə tɛkst, hi ʤɪst rɪˈspɑndz wɪθ ə thumbs-up emoji.

Yeah, well, Clyde is just really into me. Oh, he's texting back.

jæ, wɛl, klaɪd ɪz ʤɪst ˈrɪli ˈɪntu mi. oʊ, hiz ˈtɛkˌstɪŋ bæk.

"Yes. I do care about you that much. You mean a lot to me and I care deeply about you."

"jɛs. aɪ du kɛr əˈbaʊt ju ðət məʧ. ju min ə lɔt tɪ mi ənd aɪ kɛr ˈdipli əˈbaʊt ju."

He sure is in love with you, Bebe!

hi ʃʊr ɪz ɪn ləv wɪθ ju, ˈbibi!

He's a goddamn dreamboat!

hiz ə ˌgɑˈdæm dreamboat!

Hey, Stan. Is there a time we could talk today? I'm feeling a little insecure about some things.

heɪ, stæn. ɪz ðɛr ə taɪm wi kʊd tɔk təˈdeɪ? əm ˈfilɪŋ ə ˈlɪtəl ˈɪnsəkjər əˈbaʊt səm θɪŋz.

Hey, Clyde, can I talk to you?

heɪ, klaɪd, kən aɪ tɔk tɪ ju?

Sure, bro.

ʃʊr, broʊ.

Well, um, Wendy just came up to me and was acting all hurt 'cause she thinks I don't care about her.

wɛl, əm, ˈwɛndi ʤɪst keɪm əp tɪ mi ənd wɑz ˈæktɪŋ ɔl hərt 'kɔz ʃi θɪŋks aɪ doʊnt kɛr əˈbaʊt hər.

Uh-huh.

ˈəˈhə.

Well, she says that she wishes I would reply to her texts the way that Clyde responds to Bebe, so, like, how do you do it?

wɛl, ʃi sɪz ðət ʃi ˈwɪʃɪz aɪ wʊd rɪˈplaɪ tɪ hər tɛksts ðə weɪ ðət klaɪd rɪˈspɑndz tɪ ˈbibi, soʊ, laɪk, haʊ du ju du ɪt?

ChatGPT, dude.

chatgpt, dud.

ChatGPT?

chatgpt?

Yeah, dude. There's a bunch of apps and programs you could subscribe to that use open AI to do all your writing for you. People use them to write poems, write

jæ, dud. ðɛrz ə bənʧ əv æps ənd ˈproʊˌgræmz ju kʊd səbˈskraɪb tɪ ðət juz ˈoʊpən eɪaɪ tɪ du ɔl jʊr ˈraɪtɪŋ fər ju. ˈpipəl juz ðɛm tɪ raɪt poʊəmz, raɪt

job applications, but what they're really good for is dealing with chicks.

ʤɑb ˌæpləˈkeɪʃənz, bət wət ðɛr ˈrɪli gʊd fər ɪz ˈdilɪŋ wɪθ ʧɪks.

Here, check it out. There's tons of Chat GPT apps for your phone.

hir, ʧɛk ɪt aʊt. ðɛrz tənz əv ʧæt gpt æps fər jʊr foʊn.

So, then I can take whatever latest dumb thing Bebe texted me.

soʊ, ðɛn aɪ kən teɪk ˌwəˈtɛvər ˈleɪtəst dəm θɪŋ ˈbibi ˈtɛkstɪd mi.

Do you think I'd look cute if I cut my hair short?

du ju θɪŋk aɪd lʊk kjut ɪf aɪ kət maɪ hɛr ʃɔrt?

I copy it, then I open the GPT app, click "Respond to", paste her text here, hit write. It just

aɪ ˈkɑpi ɪt, ðɛn aɪ ˈoʊpən ðə gpt æp, klɪk "rɪˈspɑnd tɪ", peɪst hər tɛkst hir, hɪt raɪt. ɪt ʤɪst

thinks for a second. "You would look great with any length of hair! Trying a new look could be fun." Copy that into messages, and send it off.

θɪŋks fər ə ˈsɛkənd. "ju wʊd lʊk greɪt wɪθ ˈɛni lɛŋθ əv hɛr! traɪɪŋ ə nu lʊk kʊd bi fən." ˈkɑpi ðət ˈɪntu ˈmɛsɪʤɪz, ənd sɛnd ɪt ɔf.

It's super easy and convenient, and it saves me a ton of time because she texts me so goddamn much.

ɪts ˈsupər ˈizi ənd kənˈvinjənt, ənd ɪt seɪvz mi ə tən əv taɪm bɪˈkəz ʃi tɛksts mi soʊ ˌgɑˈdæm məʧ.

Jesus Christ! "I probably won't do it, but thanks for being supportive." Cut. Paste. Write. Cut. Messages. Paste. Send. There.

ˈʤizəs kraɪst! "aɪ ˈprɑbəˌbli woʊnt du ɪt, bət θæŋks fər biɪŋ səˈpɔrtɪv." kət. peɪst. raɪt. kət. ˈmɛsɪʤɪz. peɪst. sɛnd. ðɛr.

All done with her stupid shit.

ɔl dən wɪθ hər ˈstupɪd ʃɪt.

This is a real app?

ðɪs ɪz ə ril æp?

It'll completely change your life, bro. Just, uh, just don't tell anybody, huh? If Bebe found out, I'd be a dead man.

ˈɪtəl kəmˈplitli ʧeɪnʤ jʊr laɪf, broʊ. ʤɪst, ə, ʤɪst doʊnt tɛl ˈɛnibədi, hə? ɪf ˈbibi faʊnd aʊt, aɪd bi ə dɛd mæn.