Мальчишник в Вегасе

I’m just saying it’s clearly marked. Okay. We’re definitely not supposed to be up here.

i’m ʤɪst seɪɪŋ it’s ˈklɪrli mɑrkt. ˌoʊˈkeɪ. we’re ˈdɛfənətli nɑt səˈpoʊzd tɪ bi əp hir.

Come on, Stu. We’re paying for a villa. I mean, we can do whatever the fuck we want. Just watch the door. Guys, come on up here.

kəm ɔn, stu. we’re peɪɪŋ fər ə ˈvɪlə. aɪ min, wi kən du ˌwəˈtɛvər ðə fək wi wɔnt. ʤɪst wɔʧ ðə dɔr. gaɪz, kəm ɔn əp hir.

Fine.

faɪn.

How the hell did you find this place?

haʊ ðə hɛl dɪd ju faɪnd ðɪs pleɪs?

Don’t worry about it.

don’t ˈwəri əˈbaʊt ɪt.

You alright? Look at the view up here!

ju ˌɔˈlraɪt? lʊk æt ðə vju əp hir!

Are you happy?

ər ju ˈhæpi?

Whoa! Are you kidding?

woʊ! ər ju ˈkɪdɪŋ?

Alan. How are we doing, buddy?

ˈælən. haʊ ər wi duɪŋ, ˈbədi?

What you got over there, Alan?

wət ju gɑt ˈoʊvər ðɛr, ˈælən?

That’s the Eiffel Tower.

that’s ðə ˈaɪfəl taʊər.

Oh oh! A little Jägermeister.

oʊ oʊ! ə ˈlɪtəl jägermeister.

Good idea.

gʊd aɪˈdiə.

Good call.

gʊd kɔl.

On the roof.

ɔn ðə rʊf.

This is good. I’d like to make a toast. To Doug and Tracy. May tonight be but a minor speed bump on an otherwise very long and healthy marriage.

ðɪs ɪz gʊd. i’d laɪk tɪ meɪk ə toʊst. tɪ dəg ənd ˈtreɪsi. meɪ təˈnaɪt bi bət ə ˈmaɪnər spid bəmp ɔn ən ˈəðərˌwaɪz ˈvɛri lɔŋ ənd ˈhɛlθi ˈmɛrɪʤ.

Cheers.

ʧɪrz.

Chin-chin.

chin-chin.

Short and sweet.

ʃɔrt ənd swit.

Oh, it’s like college.

oʊ, it’s laɪk ˈkɑlɪʤ.

Alright. I want to talk about something. Alright. To a night that the four of us will never forget.

ˌɔˈlraɪt. aɪ wɔnt tɪ tɔk əˈbaʊt ˈsəmθɪŋ. ˌɔˈlraɪt. tɪ ə naɪt ðət ðə fɔr əv ˈjuˈɛs wɪl ˈnɛvər fərˈgɛt.

Control of yourself man. God dammit! Would you put on some pants?

kənˈtroʊl əv ˈjɔrsɛlf mæn. gɑd ˈdæmɪt! wʊd ju pʊt ɔn səm pænts?

Phil, do not go in the bathroom.

fɪl, du nɑt goʊ ɪn ðə ˈbæθˌrum.

Alan, just calm down. It's me.

ˈælən, ʤɪst kɑm daʊn. ɪts mi.

Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom!

fɪl, ðɛr ɪz ə ˈtaɪgər ɪn ðə ˈbæθˌrum!

What’s going on?

what’s goʊɪŋ ɔn?

There is a jungle cat in the bathroom.

ðɛr ɪz ə ˈʤəŋgəl kæt ɪn ðə ˈbæθˌrum.

Okay. I’ll check it out.

ˌoʊˈkeɪ. i’ll ʧɛk ɪt aʊt.

Be careful! Don’t! Don’t!

bi ˈkɛrfəl! don’t! don’t!

Holy fuck! He’s not kidding. There’s a tiger in there.

ˈhoʊli fək! he’s nɑt ˈkɪdɪŋ. there’s ə ˈtaɪgər ɪn ðɛr.

No there isn’t.

noʊ ðɛr isn’t.

Ya! It’s big. It’s gigantic.

jɑ! it’s bɪg. it’s ʤaɪˈgænɪk.

You okay, buddy?

ju ˌoʊˈkeɪ, ˈbədi?

No. I am in so much pain right now.

noʊ. aɪ æm ɪn soʊ məʧ peɪn raɪt naʊ.

God damn. Look at this place.

gɑd dæm. lʊk æt ðɪs pleɪs.

I know. Phil, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed.

aɪ noʊ. fɪl, ðeɪ hæv maɪ ˈkrɛdɪt kɑrd ˈdaʊnˈstɛrz. aɪ æm soʊ skrud.

I mean, how does a tiger get in the bathroom? He almost killed me.

aɪ min, haʊ dɪz ə ˈtaɪgər gɪt ɪn ðə ˈbæθˌrum? hi ˈɔlˌmoʊst kɪld mi.

Hey bro. Do you mind putting on some pants? I find it a little weird I have to ask twice.

heɪ broʊ. du ju maɪnd ˈpʊtɪŋ ɔn səm pænts? aɪ faɪnd ɪt ə ˈlɪtəl wɪrd aɪ hæv tɪ æsk twaɪs.

Pants at a time like this? I don't have any.

pænts æt ə taɪm laɪk ðɪs? aɪ doʊnt hæv ˈɛni.

What the fuck happened last night?

wət ðə fək ˈhæpənd læst naɪt?

Hey, Phil. Am I missing a tooth?

heɪ, fɪl. æm aɪ ˈmɪsɪŋ ə tuθ?

Oh my god. My lateral incisor is gone.

oʊ maɪ gɑd. maɪ ˈlætərəl ˌɪnˈsaɪzər ɪz gɔn.

It’s okay. We just need to calm down. We’re fine. Everything is fine. Alan, go wake up Doug. Let’s just get

it’s ˌoʊˈkeɪ. wi ʤɪst nid tɪ kɑm daʊn. we’re faɪn. ˈɛvriˌθɪŋ ɪz faɪn. ˈælən, goʊ weɪk əp dəg. let’s ʤɪst gɪt

some coffee and let’s get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows.

səm ˈkɔfi ənd let’s gɪt ðə fək aʊt əv nəˈvɑdə ˌbiˈfɔr ˈhaʊˌskipɪŋ ʃoʊz.

What am I going to tell Melissa? I lost a tooth. I have no idea how it happened.

wət æm aɪ goʊɪŋ tɪ tɛl məˈlɪsə? aɪ lɔst ə tuθ. aɪ hæv noʊ aɪˈdiə haʊ ɪt ˈhæpənd.

You’re freaking me out man. I’ve got a massive headache. Okay, let’s just calm down.

you’re ˈfrikɪŋ mi aʊt mæn. i’ve gɑt ə ˈmæsɪv ˈhɛˌdeɪk. ˌoʊˈkeɪ, let’s ʤɪst kɑm daʊn.

How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you.

haʊ æm aɪ səˈpoʊzd tɪ kɑm daʊn? lʊk əraʊnd ju.

Hey guys. He’s not in there.

heɪ gaɪz. he’s nɑt ɪn ðɛr.

Did you check all the rooms?

dɪd ju ʧɛk ɔl ðə rumz?

Yeah. I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone.

jæ. aɪ lʊkt ˈɛvriˌwɛr. pləs, hɪz ˈmætrəs ɪz gɔn.

Ah, whatever. Look, he probably went to the pool to get something to eat. I’ll just call his cell.

ɑ, ˌwəˈtɛvər. lʊk, hi ˈprɑbəˌbli wɛnt tɪ ðə pul tɪ gɪt ˈsəmθɪŋ tɪ it. i’ll ʤɪst kɔl hɪz sɛl.

I look like a nerdy hillbilly.

aɪ lʊk laɪk ə ˈnərdi ˈhɪlbɪli.

Hello?

hɛˈloʊ?

Alan.

ˈælən.

Hey.

heɪ.

It’s Phil.

it’s fɪl.

Oh. Hey Phil... This is Doug’s phone. This is Doug’s phone.

oʊ. heɪ fɪl... ðɪs ɪz doug’s foʊn. ðɪs ɪz doug’s foʊn.

No shit.

noʊ ʃɪt.

Yeah.

jæ.

What the fuck is that?

wət ðə fək ɪz ðət?